Dancin' Like Nobody's Watching

[PMA_Baby!]

Right there w u guys! Thanks GD.

[C_K]

GD

You sounded good in your last post. Remember to keep expectations down.
You need confidence in yourself and strenght right now. With your sitch the question should be do i want her back? not does she want to come back?

Dave

[cliffy]

GD, I agree with Dave, great last post. Especially the sign off. They will all figure it out, but it is out of our hands. It has become only our choices as to how we want to live.

[christarn]

hey gd, good update...a pimp, that is hillarious...good for you!!! take care of yourself, christa

[Heimlich]

You gotta wear velvet and a hat with a feather. I'd also opt for the ivory headed cane as well.

Good post. You know, if you want to just write an entire post exulting in your W's failed R with her BF, go ahead.

BD

[SunnySeason]

Howdy GD,

Great job in setting boundaries & keeping contact at a minimum, while staying friendly, helpful & happy.

I also enjoy hearing that; "According to our mutual friend, W and her BF now pretty much HATE each other, yet are basically financially stuck with having to live together." Oh darn, it seemed like such a match!

Throwing a party does wonders for the attitude, sounds like a fun one...wish I lived closer. I could come as cupcake

L&L,

Sunny

[GoodGuy]

Hey GD,
Glad I caught up with your latest. Kind of the same for me, although we haven't scheduled a D yet, but my new post in WAW syndrome will fill you in.
I've hit a wall, ready to move on too.
Take care,

[Gone Dancin']

Thanks for stopping by lbl, Mandy, BM, Dave, cliffy, christa, Heim, Sunny, and GG!

Dave,

Remember to keep expectations down.
You need confidence in yourself and strenght right now. With your sitch the question should be do i want her back? not does she want to come back?

Thanks for the gut check -- definitely right on, as usual! Working on the initial comment all the time, and needing to consider the latter a little more often. Thanks again!

Good post. You know, if you want to just write an entire post exulting in your W's failed R with her BF, go ahead.

I've got mixed emotions about it. I'd be lying if I said I didn't revel in this knowledge, but I feel guilty celebrating it. I want her to be happy, and it kind of pisses me off when I think about how BF could care less about helping her around the house, meeting her needs, his controlling ticks, etc. I hurt to think about W hurting, though it has been her own choice to place herself in such an R. She doesn't know that I know her R is failing, and thus I won't acknowledge it. If she decides to turn to me for a open ear and some empathy, I will be here. If not, that is her choice. I still think her pride will prevent her from coming to me for ANY kind of support. Again, she's not at rock bottom yet (though I believe she's getting closer).

I can also add that apparently it has been a month or more since they have even had sex, so things must be pretty bad. Again, it's hard not to be happy about this, but I can't let it raise my expectations. She may simply move on to the next guy and still want nothing to do with me. Also, I don't want her coming back simply to be rescued from her current R and/or because she is struggling financially. I want her to come back because she sees my changes are genuine, and therefore sees great potential in making a clean-slated new R. However, I would also like to see her acknowledge where SHE has failed in the M, and work on making her own changes too. I would love her to read the 5 LL and maybe even do some MC, but those are issues that certainly can't be addressed right now because they are not relevant.

I feel like I'm being cold by asking her to move the rest of her stuff out, take her name off of the car insurance and pay her own, etc, but I know it is necessary and that I'm totally justified. I just don't want her to resent me for it. I know it's nothing I can control, and I'm sure in time she will understand my need to do these things. Just a bummer, that's all.

Had a good day yesterday though -- one of those real "I'm detached and doing GREAT" days. The more of those I have, the more I know I'm getting closer to getting over this bump in the road.

Thanks again, Heim.

sunny,

Great job in setting boundaries & keeping contact at a minimum, while staying friendly, helpful & happy.

Thanks -- I needed to hear that. I think this is good both for me and for my R with W. Much more healing can occur all around with these things in place, I believe, so it makes such choices easier because I know this.

I also enjoy hearing that; "According to our mutual friend, W and her BF now pretty much HATE each other, yet are basically financially stuck with having to live together." Oh darn, it seemed like such a match!

Like I told Heim, it's difficult not to jump for joy when I hear these things, but I'm trying not to as much anymore because enjoying W's emotional pain and difficulty doesn't make me a very good H, no matter what our current R circumstances are. Such problems for her and her BF may be good for me, but then again they may not be. Only time will tell, and if I continue my changes and give her all the space and time she needs while simultaneously moving on with my own life, we may reconcile. Then again, we may not, but I will be the better for it and be healthy regardless.

Thanks!

GG,

I'll try to catch up on you and check in more often -- I usually don't stay much from the Newcomers thread though. Are you getting good support and advice over there? If not, start a thread here.

Thanks again, all! I appreciate the time and support!

GD

[Nomopo]

All of your recent posts sound so . . . healthy. Good for you!!

Nomo

[Gone Dancin']

Trying Nomo -- trying.

Did you read about my invitation to Thanksgiving and Xmas dinner with the inlaws a few posts back? I think I'll decline, but wanted to here some outside POVs. Your's, of course, is always valued and appreciated!

GD