Karen: yup, I would say that it more than "suggests" psychological". Seems to virtually prove it as almost completely psychological (other than the physical factors that come into play as a result of stress chemicals in the body).

That's why I've been so "enthusiastically" encouraging you, to pursuade him to alter his (and your) life to get rid of, or lower, the stress factors. I think that once you get rid of that, then "all" you have to deal with is the mental issues.

Unfortunately, given your mention about these issues way back when you were just dating... sounds like the mental issues are going to need some serious help, to ever be resolved.

(which is another reason why I've been suggesting more of a focus on how your needs arent getting met, rather than a "lets try to fix Karen's H, and THEN her needs will get met". 'cause that sounds like it would take a looooong time \:\( )




SouthernGirl:
Thank you for posting that.
I would be interested to hear (either here, or in a separate thread if you like), what specifically gives you that feeling about my posts. I like to think that in general, most of my posts are fairly open, and a "this is my opinion, others may have theirs" kinda thing.

I suspect that you may be reacting to maybe one or two posts of mine, and then the residual feelings from that, are giving you a negative bias over all the rest of my posts. Which then is a self-sustaining negative bias. If you are convinced someone is hostile, there is almost always something you can pick out to reinforce that viewpoint of someone, even if they arent.
As you said yourself, "In your case, even reading your most harmless posts I have to consciously bring down my blood pressure and avoid a reflexive 'this must be wrong just because Dom R posted it'".

Yeah, I "push" some people sometimes. At the same time, I always try to give my reasons why I do that, and the majority of people I have "pushed" have said that they appreciated the nudge.
With the exception of my kidding around a bit lately with my posts for Karen, I try to stay away from, "Do this because I say so".
I usually try to stick to, "I think you need to do this because otherwise that might happen".
And if the person says, "yeah, i've thought about that, and I know it's not an issue", I leave it alone.
How does that qualify as "rigid and controlling"?

Last edited by Dom R; 10/10/07 06:45 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle