There and Back, # 9

[SallyM]

I forwarded H's e-mail from this morning, re: s5, to my friend (a therapist, not my therapist, so she says things very differently than my therapist would or she would to her own clients). I thought I'd go ahead and post her reply to me, in case any of you are dealing with kids and it might help. some of the stuff is obviously personal toward my situation, still, keeping it in.

Ugh - that hurts...

First, let me make some suggestions. When the children say things like that the first thing to do is repeat back to them what they said - word for word helps - but when you say it back to them you phrase it as a question. IE...so you need a new daddy to live with you all the time at the house? Then keep quiet and let him talk - this way he can clarify what he means. If he simply says "yes" it is helpful to say something like - "It seems like you have been thinking a lot about this." Again, let him talk. And again, if he simply says "yah" say, "This seems to be a really hard time for you. I am wondering if you are feeling sad or mad about not having a daddy live with you all the time." By now he might be willing to talk more.

Okay - so let me put in my two cents about therapy for the kids...it doesn't have to be long term - but clearly I am thinking that it wouldn't hurt. Just a thought (not yelling at you as much as I am yelling at H).

Now for the yelling...I KNOW THAT H IS TRYING TO BE GENTLE AND FORWARD THINKING (OKAY, I DON'T KNOW BUT i CAN GUESS IT) BY ASKING YOU FOR HELP...BUT DON'T YOU FIND IT A BIT CUMBERSOME AND ANNOYING THAT WHENEVER THERE IS A PROBLEM HE ASKS YOU TO SOLVE IT? ...ASK L (your therapist) HOW TO HANDLE THIS? WHY DON'T YOU HUSBAND DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH AND HANDLE IT...FOR PETES SAKE, BE A MAN...L IS YOUR THERAPIST MORGAN, NOT HUSBANDS OR THE KIDS...I AM SLAMMING ON THE KEYS I AM SO PISSED OFF AT HIM...............

OKAY, I am a bit calmer. Seriously though. I just can't stand how he is choosing to f#ck up people's lives - kids included- and then not take any responsibility. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. I swear Morgan, it gets harder and harder for me to send prayers his way- but I still will do it because I know it is what you want...but gosh darn it, he needs to take some responsibility. He could certainly call a therapist, go see a therapist...oh here I go again. You get the point.

Ugh, very frustrating. Really, he can't be THAT good in bed, can he? And if he is maybe you can't really blame ow:) Just kidding.