opinions on "small separation"? Read and respond?

[runningoutoftime]

Stubborn,

I don't think a one week separation is long enough to give anyone a good sense of what it is like to lose a spouse and split up their family. One week is a vacation!!!! Now 3-6 months and you GALing.... that would do it.

Do not expect her to stay, expect her to go and mentally prepare for that. You should have been out GALing this week and having as little contact with her as possible. Any contact on your part would look like pursuit and that's a huge turn-off when someone is considering leaving.

Thank goodness you are the legal parent. I'm very glad to read that. Good luck and let go of the darn leash!!!!

[inspiredjulie]

Ugh... lovely. My girls run and hug OW when they see her and D6 goes out of her way to say hello at school while I stand there picking my nose. Blech.

btw, we were trying to get tix to Friday nights game. C'mon down, $75 per seat...We went to two world series game the year we won. It was amazing. I know where you can stay, get in the car, bring the girls!

Oh man, if you had any idea how bad I'd love to do this. Unfortunately, I have a client on Saturday or I'd be there! Another time when my weekends are actually weekends!

Take care. ROOT had some good advice. You're a winner, lady!

[stubborn]

I will never complain about my kid as long as she doesn't puke in the bed. I read that on your thread and gagged! Nothing like a good nights sleep and that was NOTHING like a good nights sleep.

ROOT I agree with you, it is a vacation, but I think this is someone who has wanted to be done with the A and put their family back together for some time but didn't feel enough motivating pain. Being out of the house is motivation. I did do some GAL stuff but agree I was available. I will continue gal by going out tonight and not telling spouse where or even that I'm going.

as to "prepare for her leaving"...wow. makes sense but jeeze.

[stubborn]

hmmmmmmm...."client"....what kind of employment is this you've taken up? Oldest profession? Bring your client to the game.

[Yoyowife]

Hi Stubborn,
How are you?

Yoyo

[saffie]

I've been waiting for your update stubborn ever since you said you were going to put your musings on here about 20 mins ago

Saffie

[stubborn]

so I am sleepy and foggy today. Probably because as the week goes on, so accumulates my sleep deprivation. And I am the one depriving myself. I have a bad habit of staying up too late, doing stuff like reading online and it's been easier this week with the house to myself! Many things have.

I feel I am at a turning point. What does my spouse have up her sleeve? Is she going to recommit? If she does can she stick with it? Do I want that? Yes, but not half-heartedly. I have maintained all along that I wanted to work at this. But does SHE? What if I have misinterpreted the signs and she has decided we're done? I can live with that. Should I suggest she stay out of the house longer until she has no doubt? I don't even know if she has doubt...I presume so.

I suspect she intended to meet with her counselor today and then talk to me. Small wrench in the works: Seems counselor is out of town and not available. OOPS! So when will the communication come? Nothing like the unknown to perk ya right up.

[whatisis]

You know, Stub, we can build ourselves mounds of possibilities to worry about when dealing with what our S's are going to do and what their motivations are! It's not worth it because, as I've said before, all our insightful conclusions are usually wrong anyway. Today is the day to do for Stub. To Hell with what your S is going to do or not do. Remember, you've got OUR new life together to plan for, get to it GF!

[stubborn]

thank you for making me laugh my little "canuknuckle" head! It's so exciting to have a future to think about, and with a guy as great as YOU! whew! I know some guys who'd love to have that relationship with you too but that's another thread.

Wow, there I was feeling nobody reads my posts, Poor Pitiful Me, etc only to find folks waiting with baited breath...thanks guys!

OK, I am tired and am thinking about the 48hr rule: ie - when you don't know what to do, do nothing. I talked to spouse on phone re some home logistic things and then she sent me an email about how great D is and their voyage to school today etc. I answered and agreed about how great D is and also said:
I have not really said anything about our email/conversation from Monday but I take it very seriously and am not by any means ignoring you.

that's it and I'm not initiating any more communication today. I need to do some reading and writing and thinking about what I WANT out of a R. I read a book that said sometimes we find out where our limits are in these situations. When reestablishing things it's good to be clear that we have "learned" that we find certain thins unacceptable and to mention that now that we have the knowledge, certain activities can no longer be tolerated. So, given that:

I want monogamy. (seems a given doesn't it but...) I want monogamy for life or the life of the R, which ever dies first. If there is no M there is no R.

I want to feel comfortable being myself. Spouse is on some level ashamed of my boisterousness and that is HER problem, not a fault in me. Co-dependent No More! I will work to be the best ME I can be but that does not include tamping myself down to keep spouse happy. In reality, for all her "spirituality" I am a much stronger person than spouse.

I want to work on ME and I want spouse to work on HER and I want us to work together on US...it's all work and I want someone willing to invest. It doesn't mean drudgery, it means investment, even in some things you don't THINK you will enjoy, like self analysis and healing and dealing with your past and how it molds your future. If we did that we just might get reconnected.

I firmly believe that D is not best for children unless someone is being "abused". I want D to see a HEALTHY equal relationship and have something to emulate later in life. Not the typical "oh the going got hard so I got going" mentality that is prevalent.

I'm too tired for this, went bowling last night...let's hear from some of the rest of you. Opinions?

[stubborn]

and I agree today I will do for ME!!! And the D'backs! I think I can do both by watching the game tonight on TV!!! I have to take D across town to a rehearsal and traffic will be nasty at that time due to the home game. Wish me luck! Anybody care to join us to watch the game? WII is bringing chinese food for snacks! I'll buy the brewski. Volunteers?