OK, I now I am not the consensus voice here - but still think differently on the whole anniversary thing. While I agree CVA, that pulling back more will probably be a good thing for your sitch - maybe you can start that tomorrow?
I may be wrong, but I sense a bit of you not wanting to say or do anything today on your anniversary towards her out of a little spite maybe? Which no one would blame you for feeling - but I just think whatever you do throughout this process you should be the bigger person and be able to look back and have no regrets.
Regardless of where you guys are right now, the 2 of you still shared a life together, love, laughter, 4 children (who does that these days!) and all of that is symbolized by this day where the 2 of you joined together as H & W - and I still think that it deserves some type of acknowledgement or respect.
Don't give her the opportunity to tell all her friends tomorrow -"you know, that a-hole CVA didn't even comment on our anniversary yesterday" and all her friends to be like - "Geez, he is an a-hole" - cuz you know it would happen!
Again, not saying you need say or do anything elaborate - just acknowledgement...
