Dis,
I meander around here from time to time and thought I would attempt to grapple with some of my thoughts.

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I've written H a very brief letter this am. Things need to be said, whether in a letter/text/email/face to face


To me life is timing...everything needs to be choregraphed with precision. I am wondering if this would be the moment to express needs being met. Sometimes words lose their value when the recipient isnt really ABLE to absorb them. Please dont take that as a slight to either you or your H. I have been there many, many times but one thing I learned in my sitch was...it wasnt the message that was wrong...it was the timing.. I am like Cat and would be very interested to know how he responds to this...

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He needs to know that I'm not happy with the way things are and that him still been here is giving me false hope.


Dis, I think he already knows this without you telling him but I also understand what a HUGE weight it is carrying that dialouge in your head around with you every day ...like a ball and chain. There is no false hope.....only you can put a true or false to the statement...he has no power over that...You already are an incredible individual to even give him the chance to remain (whether he can afford it or not)...give yourself a chance to become victorious by keeping air in the room..Things become dire when you "gasp" for air....

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I have read what you said, however, can a marraige begin again from this? He believes he is here as friends, i think he is here because he can't afford to move out. (I tell you, I get more from my friend in terms of affection, good times, and support) I've tried really hard with been positive etc but he is not willing to go out with me, sit in the same room for very long or talk about anything other than work and kids.


All marriages begin as friends..(or at least most do )...So yes it can begin from this...One thing that helped me immensely was to keep getting through my head that my OLD marriage was dead...deceased....I should have had a WAKE now that I think of it to ram that thought at home. We're humans and we make comparisons constantly....the danger is when those comparisons become EXPECTATIONS. As far as long talks...I can relate from my perspective on this...It's hard to have a polite and enriching conversation in the middle of a battlefield. And that battlefield is within his head at the moment. Too much chaos and not enough birds chirping to allow him to let the words and his emotions flow. The old DB mantras come into play I guess...act AS IF and DETACH...your needs right now (no matter how valid) are being received as waves of PRESSURE. The only things that form from pressure is Glass and Ulcers...Neither are very solid...Distance is good as long as it comes from acts of love...
So I hobble off my soap box and most likely stumble away from making any sort of sense. I hope none of what I wrote steps on your toes and making me seem high and mighty...I am far from both...I step lightly all through my day...Let the healing hands of time and your deligence make your upcoming days brighter...peace