I sometimes get confused by some of the posters here. I thought we were a board for those who were dealing with a spouse's MLC and trying to save our marriages. . . . Michele explicitly admits that dealing with MLC is difficult, much more difficult than 'conventional' dbing, with an even less certain outcome . . .
People whose marriages ended in divorce still come here ot post, to tell us that there is life after divorce, and because they too have been through the h*ll of MLC. They add a much needed note of realism, and I like and respect their point of view.
Some people who saved their marriages still post here, or who are reconciling, because having gone through MLC, they feel more in common with people here than in Piecing [or so many of them post] Some stop posting, for a variety of reasons.
The people who bother me are those who having decided not to go on standing, then try and tell the rest of us that what we are doing is ineffectual and pointless. Thank you, but the rest of the world is already saying that.
I am intelligent, and I know that the outcome may not be the one I hoped for when I started lurking here. But, I do not regret having tried, because that is what DBing is about. Trying to give your marriage another, and better chance.
Could people who decide to relinquish their marriage please not try and tell the rest of us that we are wrong?? This is a DBing board, not a pro-divorce board.
A friend of mine's partner got pancreatic cancer two years ago. The prognosis is not good: two years on he is not only alive, but thriving, with every chance of living a long life. He has beaten the odds. He was lucky, and they did all the right things. There were people telling my friend, Lizzie [not her real name] not to get too hopeful. Her response was - "if he dies I wan't feel better because I was pessimistic about the outcome. I know the odds, and we are going to try and beat them with optimism and our best efforts"
So we know the odds, we love all those who go on supporting us, even if their marriages didn't make it, despite their best efforts. But do we really want to be told to give up because it is hopeless, before the fat lady sings?
