Thank you so much for your reply. I would say that at times I could be verbally abusive to my XW, also very distant and seemingly uncaring. I remembered her saying may times about how she "didn't feel the love". We argued a lot and her parents didn't like me. They also don't like their DIL and they can hold a grudge forever (it seems to run in the family). She was and always has been very close to her parents. It made it difficult for me, cause it felt like the marriage was a "package deal" that I didn't really ask for. I can only hope that her parents are as judgmental of the OM as they were of me. I know that sounds mean, but it will make her realize that the problems weren't just with me.
I am very surprised with the OM sitch. I know it started while we were separated and before the divorce was final. It seems to be very serious. I've read that affairs are usually very intense. We have joint custody of the kids and she has roughly half her time to spend with him. If it continues, I'm assuming at some point one of them will have to move. I can't imagine my XW would move because of the legal issues that it would involve with the kids. Knowing my luck, the OM works out of his house. I would also assume that at some time, she is going to have some financial issues. Legal fees for divorce were very expensive - probably around $10K. She doesn't make much money and is a bit of a free spender.
I really hope to turn things around someday. I haven't had any communication with her for over a week. Our kids walk back-and-forth; we live about six blocks from each other.
Thanks again for your input. If it would be easier to communicate off the board, you could email me at the address posted under my profile on this site. My brother also has a medical condition that he has struggled with for long time (ankylosing spondylitis). I haven't read that much about your condition, but it sounds like it can be painful at times.
