Down and out...need hope.

[waw1978]

Tostada,

Just catching up on your thread. I started out feeling and saying many of the things your WAW is. I just need some more info before I kick in my 2 cents.

I know you mentioned that your W is way more social than you but your post doesn’t mention if you had accepted this part of her or if you tried to stifle it? Are you a jealous person? Have you not wanted your wife to have certain friends or do certain activities? Or given her a hard time for doing things that you found unacceptable?

Also you mentioned her reconnecting with old pals. If you had stifled her social ways in the past this may just be her way of trying to find herself again and reconnect with friends she may have let fall by the wayside because she was trying to please you. I know you expressed concern over why she is talking to every Sue, Sally & Pam she was ever friends with but maybe she really misses those people in her life. She may even be trying to GAL herself. Its not just LBS that need to do this. WAS need to do this too. Just doing something different usually helps any persons PMA.

Stop trying to figure out what is going on in her head. She is very confused and hurting, just as much as you. She may be saying that its over but she is giving signs that she still has doubts. Work the DB program. Focus on you. Stop trying to control her and the situation. Let her have space, as much space and time as possible. Do not mention divorce or lawyers that will do nothing but irritate the situation. Plus if you start making these idle threats you may find yourself getting a divorce and not just talking about one. If you do not want a D wait for her to make the advances in that direction and even then make it clear that’s not what you want or think would be right in your situation. I guess my main point before I get more info is to not give up. I know this is a sucky time and you are a mess but you need to DB and give your WAW time to see your 180’s. Plant the seeds of doubt. See what parts you played in this and do your best to work on them if you want to save the M. Your WAW will have to own up to her parts too but it’s got to start somewhere.