Lets try thing again!!!!

[Heartbroken]

Hello,

First of all let me get out my 2X4 and help you see that you are giving the OW way to much power over your lives - and you need to stop doing this or else it just sabatoges ALL your efforts.

I know I am guilty of it just as much and last week after I asked H AGAIN "is his hesitation about her" and he said NO. This turned on a light from me and let me let the OW go - we cannot worry about whatifs - you will cross that bridge if it happens again. We are much stronger from all of this and if my H does start it up with her again then I know I am done. But what if all the negative thoughts on our parts push our H's back to OW. They know the OW is not right - but if through our negative thought processes make it so hard to heal and reconnect they may just see OW as the easy way out.

They are struggling due to the guilt and disbelief of how low their character has gotten. My H says he's not sure right from wrong anymore - HE DOESN'T TRUST HIMSELF - so I am sure he thinks how is the wife going to EVER trust him again.

You need to slow down and watch those expectations - I see your last bomb was ONLY 3 months ago - it has not been that long for healing. My one year was August 9th and my H only came back (for good - or at least the last time) on July 1st and I consider us far - so far- from solving all this. We let our imaginations run with the negative side of things and we need to try and stop this. You seem to be back to pursuing and being clingy to your H - detach again for your sake. Tell yourself what is the worse thing to happen if H cannot fix himself/your R??? Face the fear! You will be fine either way - you have come so far and I know it is tiring - but we tire ourselves out too. We cannot fix our H's - only they can and again it will be on their timeline (like it has always been). Remember patience patience patience - this time if for baby steps. You need to see the positives more!!

I hope I have not overstepped my bounds - I need to follow my own advice!! We can help each other get through this!! I think of how far I have come since last August - at that point I had wished for cancer instead of H leaving me (I stupidly thought I could handle an illness way easier than H walking out on me). I now am in a much better place and I will be happy with or without my H. We deserved to be loved 100% - but our R deserves more time to help see if we can get there!!

Now pep up and do something for you!!

HB