RJ, just please be careful about going off the meds. When people start feeling better, they often take themselves off. I know it is a decision we have to make for ourselves. I have read a lot of pros & cons about AD meds and the most common side effect for them are sexual LD. Some people had rather put up with the depression than the LD, but others think the LD is a small price to pay in order to feel "normal". So, it is a personal decision. Good luck in whatever you decide. Let me know how you make it without it. I think I took that many years ago, but I don't think it was for very long.....probably not long enough to see any results. My DIL was on that and it did help her. Hope you do well.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi Lillieperl, my dosage was 60 mg. He told me to start out with 30 mg to see if I could tollerate it. Well, I did that Friday and Saturday. Then Sunday I took the 30 mg that morning and 30 that evening.....but come to think of it....I don't remember eating much at the time I took it. I did eat something...but not like a full meal. However, my stomach was already bothering me, so I should not have taken that second pill Sunday. I was too anxious for this med to "work" for me until I rushed it....I'm sure. Maybe later I will give it another try. I read a lot about it and like most things there were about as many against it as it was for it. So, who knows what to do, but try and see.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
BTW, I also took the Lexapro with Wellbutrin but I never could tell it helped my depression. It never bothered my stomach. I just felt like I was on so much at the time that the depression was steadily getting worse and that is one reason I got off of all of it. If you ever go off.....do it gradually.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi imLin, is your H on the Cymbalta? I may see if there is something they can give me to control the stomach irritation. I still don't know why I felt so weak today unless it was just part of the after-effects. I could not see that I had enough of the medication in me to cause that type of reaction....the weakness. I did feel like it might have affected my blood pressure just a bit...not much.
My H sure was hoping that it would work. It is b/c he has encouraged me to try other AD that I discussed it with my doctor. I know my H wants his old wife back (bless his heart) but I don't know that she will ever be that whole again.
Appreciate your post......as always.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My doctor started me off on 20 mg of Cymbalta, then 40, then 60. It wasn't a smooth ride even at that pace.
For a couple of weeks, I was getting minor injuries just about every day, scraping my hand, bumping into something, and so forth. I thought the medicine was messing with my coordination, but after all that cleared up, I now think that I had spent so long carrying the anxiety around that I had no idea how to move like a normal person... once I lost the anxiety and the awkward movements that go with it, I had to learn how to move and keep from hurting myself all over again.
There were also weird dreams and strange colored patterns when I had my eyes closed. No stomach troubles, though; maybe that's one of the reasons I was told to build up that slowly.
Anyway, I'd give the Cymbalta another shot if I were you, maybe with a slower tapering-up.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
Hi SM, well listen at you here! Things are looking up! And you didn't "steal" my thread....this is what it is all about!
Quote:
My W is on ultram and lyrica for nerve pain, and the doc also put her on prednisone for inflammation. She has never been on so many at one time that i think she has the dosages screwed up. My W is almost back to her old self in the last few days, and i can hardly contain myself.
I can certainly understand what it is like taking a lot of meds together. It can be very scary! I would even forget when or if I had taken certain meds or how many. So, I had to make myself a chart to mark off when I took them. Now, that is bad, but it beats over-dosing. I also take the same pain med and the lyrica (just by different name).
Now, I want to tell you this and don't want it to discourage you, ok? One doctor placed me on prednisone and I thought I had found the "cure" for my condition! It had me so pumped up. But that is how it does you. Most doctors won't leave you on it for very long b/c of the side effects (long term). I even asked him to leave me on it, but when he told me the bad side of staying on it....then I decided he knew best after all. I just wanted you to know that that could have a lot to do with her sudden change in energy and behavior. I don't want you to get your hope up real high just to get them knocked down when she has to come off the prednisone. Some patients have to stay on very low doses for long periods of time in order to be able to walk around. This may be the situation in your W's case. At any rate, just be prepared in case the "high" doesn't last.
As I have stated in my own stitch, if I have the energy....it is amazing how different I am! My entire attitude toward my life is upbeat. I treat my H better and, in short, just more like my old self again. When you live in chronic pain and depression.....it changes everything about yourself. Only the person that lives in it knows really what it is like. However, that person's pain affects her/his family members. It is a "cross to bear" for the couple and the family. That also places a lot of guilt on the one going through the pain and depression b/c they realize that their problem has changed everyone's life.
Now, otherwise, everything you said about your W sounds very positive! And.....I am not saying all of that is due to the prednisone. I only wanted you to realize that it could be a factor to consider. But, I would say all in all that she is showing some positive signs. I think if she was still thinking about walking away that she would not be putting that much effort into the R talks and other tasks you talked about. The hair cut, etc., could also be a good sign......at least she is feeling better about herself.
One thing that made me turn to OM was the fact that I did not feel good about myself at all! I was depressed about my looks, gaining weight, getting older, etc. I craved male attention and I went after it the only way I knew how at the time (You would have to understand my lifestyle to know what I mean by that statement.)But one sign that showed up in me was the fact that I started letting my house work go b/c I no longer cared about it. I no longer cared about the family getting together or if there was anything in the house to eat.....nothing mattered anymore. So the fact that she is showing "interest" in all of these things you mentioned does sound very good. Even if it is the medicine that is causing her to have more energy, etc., I would think that energy could have gone toward the OM instead of her R with you and doing things for her family. So, that is something to think about there!
Encouraging her to do special things for herself is good. Tell her she "deserves" a special treat and then suggest......whatever. That way, she will know in her heart that you really care and that you are building her self-esteem without really saying....."Hey, you need to work on that self-esteem of yours, so go do this and that!" (lol)
Showing her that you are there for her during stressful times is what she will really appreciate.....even if she doesn't say anything. Trust me, I am the world's worst not to tell my H how much I appreciate him and all the things he does to help me, but I always notice.
You are wise not to discuss the OM. Yes, she is embarrased and doesn't want you to bring up the subject of the OM. In fact, if you can do your best to put the OM out of yur mind, right now, and just work on your R with your W.....the better. If and when she is ready to talk about him (which may be never) then leave it to her. I don't think I will ever want to talk to my H about my OM. But then, my H read almost everything we said to each other so he knew what was going on. My H did tell me that he forgave me and that he did not ever have to mention the OM again....and so far, we haven't brought his name up. This coming weekend, I will be approaching my 3 months anniversary that I let go of the OM! I can't remember the exact day....which is good, don't you think (lol). It means I have moved on and I have survived without him. I hardly think of him anymore at all and when I do it is not a "longing" for him that I had in the beginning. It was strickly and emotional affair where he fed my poor low self-esteem by telling me all the things my ego craved to hear.
I think these are positive signs that your W is trying to get her head on straight. I hope she will have the strength to cut the OM out of her life and forget him. Maybe while she is feeling stronger, she will do that. Enjoy the positive things, but as I said, be careful b/c it could be short lived. I hope not, but stay realistic.
About the lawyer's fees......well, you are right about protecting yourself and just be honest and tell her that she was talking D and you had to do that, but you are more than happy to spend that money if it means keeping the one you love.
Again, I want to warn you about not putting too much pressure on her to say the words you crave to hear. I wouldn't tell her you love her, etc., hoping that she will respond b/c it will put pressure on her and she will not like it. Just try to stay calm and upbeat and not get into any deep stuff right now. It seems to be working. If she wants to talk.....let her start it. Remember, don't be a "fixer" like you men tend to be (lol), sometimes we women just need to "talk" and you listen. The magic word.....validate. She needs it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank CrazyEddie. So, all in all, you think that the side effects you had are worth the good results in the end? I have read where some people have weird dreams, etc. I don't think that would bother me too badly if they weren't scary. I noticed today that I had a problem in walking in a straight line (lol) but I take other medicine that causes me to be like that. Usually I am over it a few hours after I wake up, but today was bad. Wheather it was the Cymbalta or not....who knows. But, I think you are correct in building up to the full dose. I'm sure I over did it to start out. I appreciate your in-put.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am so glad that you contacted me. I don't know that I will be that much of a help, but I will certainly talk with you and listen to you. I can tell you what went on with me. It would probably be easier just to read my thread at the beginning. Maybe you alread have.
I read a few of your posts to get an idea of your stitch. I see where you keep talking about how angry your XW is.....still. That tells me she had allowed that to build for a long time before she finally left. Do you know what you did that would cause her to be that angry with you? Is it more in the form of resentment or just coming out as "hate" toward you? I don't believe that women keep feeling that way after the D for no reason. It sounds like she is in MLC from what you said in another post and it will just take time for her to come out of that. But my main concern is why she is holding on to this anger toward you. She has her freedom and she is openly seeing OM, so she should have what she wanted. Right? But.....she is apparently not happy! The clue here is that she is still talking about YOU to her brother! That means you are still on her mind. She is venting, etc., but you are still on her mind. You are on her mind in a negative way, but you are there none the less.
I truly believe that in time she will realize the grass is not greener on the other side and she will begin to come out of the fantasy. If she sees you a changed man......and she likes what she sees.....then there is much hope for you. So, that means that you need to work real hard in making life long changes in yourself.
A flag went up to me when I read where you held your little D when she was in a bad mood where before you would have yelled at her. That is a very positive step. I am wondering if you took your frustrations out on your family when you would go home from work. You said you drank too much. That also was a clue. So, I have to ask.......do you think you had abusive behavior toward your family? By that, I mean verbal, mental, or even physical. If you weren't abusive, then there must have been something to make your W this angry.
Ok, to kind of change the subject from that.......let's talk about what you are doing now. No contact to the W is most important. You said that you had "controlling" ways. You can't do that any more. You must let go. You must live and let live or it will drive you crazy. She is a free agent to do whatever she wants with whomever she wishes. The more you try to contact her, the more you are pushing her away. When there are children, it is very difficult not to have some sort of contact....but it can be very limited and kept on a business level. The best thing you can do at the moment is to keep away and out of her sight. She has to get over this anger and every time you make contact, regardless of what type of contact, the anger is going to be stirred up all over again.
For your own peace of mind, you must let go. I don't mean let go of the "hope" that some day the two of you can be together again, but I think it is going to take a lot of time. You must decide if it is worth it or not. If you know in your heart that you do have some abusive traits, I would like to encourage you to see a C to work through this for your sake. Then, when the time is right, you can either write a letter or talk in person to your XW. I'm not saying that you did abuse her or anyone else, please know that, ok? I am just trying to figure out why she has so much anger toward you. There has to be a big reason.
I know for myself that WAW usually have a lot of resentment that has built for years and years. Freedom becomes more important than just about anything else in life. They want to get away from the "problem". If she is in MLC then she is also trying to live in a fantasy world. It will finally come crashing down on her and she will start to get out of the "fog" that she is in. But, how much time it will take depends on the individual person and their stitch.
Have you read Michelle's book on DR? Even though you have gotten D, you can use valuable information from her book. GAL is most important. Taking care of yourself and making positive changes in your lifestyle.
I encourage you to keep coming here and reading and posting. It is what kept me from walking away from almost 42 years of M. People here are great! They will come to your rescue.
Let us hear from you b/c we care.
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thank CrazyEddie. So, all in all, you think that the side effects you had are worth the good results in the end?
Hell yes. The worst side effect is that when the moment is right, I need a little yellow friend in my system in order for me to be ready. But it's well worth it overall.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
