What is his reason for wanting a D? Is he friendly to you when you see him? Are you living in the same house? Maybe I should go read your sitch first, but I don't think some of these S do understand what it means to end a marriage. I could have written most of your post myself, b/c my H has said some of the same things. He says we are still going to be best friends and do everything together. He still wants me to go to his family gatherings and he go to my family Thanksgivings...but not until I get over him. WTF, if you want all those things with me, then why end it?! Anyway, I sort of know how you feel and maybe it would be best to stop the dancing for the time being and tell him you need time to sort through all this. You can't just go from W to friend just like that...no one can!
Hi not an ex yet!
He hasn't mentioned the word divorce. I don't think he really understands what he is doing. Last night he called to say hello and talk to d. I asked if he had any luck at the real estate finding a place and he said the place he looked at today was really small and only a studio apartment (which is what I thought he wanted). He indicated that he would prefer a 2 b/room place so d has a room to sleep in when she visits. I pointed out that would be a lot more expensive for him adn he agreed. He then indicated that he would probably put his name down for this studio apartment but that he would probably need to stay at our house on the nights he looks after d. He asked if that was okay and I sorta mumbled yeah. I'm kicking myself now, becuase I'm NOT OKAY with that. That's cake eating, that's going to make it just that little bit more difficult for me to move on, he will have his own space but he will be 'free' to come and invade my space. Not happy about that. should I tell him I don't want him to stay here when he looks after d? I want to be able to do my own thing, have my own time to myself when he is looking after d. If I don't want to go out, I can stay home and watch DVDs by myself. If he stays over then I won't have any space of my own. I will be open to scrutiny and his life will remain closed to me. This is the dynamic that I am sick of. I tell him everythign (at least I was, I'm not going to now!) and he tells me only the bits he thinks I need to know. This invariably means that he can just give me tidbits of info and I will think he's wonderful until the penny drops and he gets guilty enough about what he is doing and then drops another bomb on me.
He still wants to have an intimate friendship with me. I interpret this as 'friends with benefits' which I am not comfortable with. I am a one-man-woman. If he doesn't want me, I will work on myself to love myself and will eventually attract someone who is good for me.
I'll have to go read your sitch notanex.....it sounds eerily similar to mine! Thanks for your words of clarification, I didn't know how to express it.
