Hey NA! Good to hear from you. I've lost track of you over in the other forum, but I'll catch up.
We've usually had discussions face to face, though we've always done best on the phone, long distance. This email thing has worked well for us in this sitch, though. But as you can see, we're both weary of the R talk. Nice to be in the same place, for once.
Heim, I hear what you're saying, and I kinda feel the same way. Though I recognize that that's bitterness on my part, or it feels like it. I don't want to withdraw from H with the attitude, "There, see how that feels? Not so nice, is it?"
If I do, I want it to be from a position of pure self-interest (not the kind of self-interest that comes from hoping to win him back), because it's the best thing for me to do for me. Thankfully, I feel like I have some time right now, that there's a lull after all the eternal R talking where I can figure it out.
We just talked a bit about telling the ILs, and turns out H's hesitation to tell MIL was about protecting ME from her questions instead of the kids from her reaction, which is how I'd read his hesitation.
This tells me that H still doesn't really believe that I'm letting go, still thinks I'm afraid, and in a way is trying to shield me. I think my reaction, which was absolutely honest and immediate, probably helped my case a bit. I said, "Huh? Oh, geez, I'm fine, it doesn't matter to me." I hope I surprised him a bit. But really, I don't care. He'll get it when he does, or not, but either way, I'll be fine.
Yeah, Heim, I think a mediator is the way to go. And we need some good number-crunching. I think we'll both be surprised about what a D will do to our finances, but we need to know. Ideally I think we'd stay married on paper, and maybe we'll end up going that way, who knows.
