muddled and angry: Puddle's third thread

[Heimlich]

Puddle,

You two are on generally civil terms, I'd vote you try mediation first. MUCH cheaper. Plus, if you think both of you will be fair, dueling lawyers just makes the same settlement more expensive.

I think it would cause serious and possibly irreparable harm to our R down the line. Leaving him alone in his time of need? Sending him to someone else to bounce ideas off of? I'm not sure. But it doesn't really matter, because all the time I spend thinking about him and the R is time I'm not spending thinking about me and what I need, and that's not good for me. So it's a chance I'll have to take.

I've done a little thinking about this. I'd like to be my W's friend and be friendly, but there are things I reserve to share only with those closest to me -- and that's my W. If she doesn't want to be married to me, she doesn't get that part of me. Your H seems to be still trying to use you as an emotional crutch in some ways -- either from habit because, as you've said, he lives in his own mind or because he expects you to help him sort through his feelings. While you should give of yourself if he's willing to work on things with you, seems to me you have to be cruel to be kind. He doesn't want to be married to you. Maybe it's time to show him the consequences of his actions. Life isn't a sitcom. Being best friends with your ex probably just doesn't happen all that often in the real world. Friends, sure. Confidants, eh, maybe not so much.

Not sure that's the right thing for you to do, but makes some sense from this coast.

BD