I was almost a WAW (and still am-- in my heart?)

[sandi2]

Hi SM, well listen at you here! Things are looking up! And you didn't "steal" my thread....this is what it is all about!

My W is on ultram and lyrica for nerve pain, and the doc also put her on prednisone for inflammation.
She has never been on so many at one time that i think she has the dosages screwed up.
My W is almost back to her old self in the last few days, and i can hardly contain myself.

I can certainly understand what it is like taking a lot of meds together. It can be very scary! I would even forget when or if I had taken certain meds or how many. So, I had to make myself a chart to mark off when I took them. Now, that is bad, but it beats over-dosing. I also take the same pain med and the lyrica (just by different name).

Now, I want to tell you this and don't want it to discourage you, ok? One doctor placed me on prednisone and I thought I had found the "cure" for my condition! It had me so pumped up. But that is how it does you. Most doctors won't leave you on it for very long b/c of the side effects (long term). I even asked him to leave me on it, but when he told me the bad side of staying on it....then I decided he knew best after all. I just wanted you to know that that could have a lot to do with her sudden change in energy and behavior. I don't want you to get your hope up real high just to get them knocked down when she has to come off the prednisone. Some patients have to stay on very low doses for long periods of time in order to be able to walk around. This may be the situation in your W's case. At any rate, just be prepared in case the "high" doesn't last.

As I have stated in my own stitch, if I have the energy....it is amazing how different I am! My entire attitude toward my life is upbeat. I treat my H better and, in short, just more like my old self again. When you live in chronic pain and depression.....it changes everything about yourself. Only the person that lives in it knows really what it is like. However, that person's pain affects her/his family members. It is a "cross to bear" for the couple and the family. That also places a lot of guilt on the one going through the pain and depression b/c they realize that their problem has changed everyone's life.

Now, otherwise, everything you said about your W sounds very positive! And.....I am not saying all of that is due to the
prednisone. I only wanted you to realize that it could be a factor to consider. But, I would say all in all that she is showing some positive signs. I think if she was still thinking about walking away that she would not be putting that much effort into the R talks and other tasks you talked about. The hair cut, etc., could also be a good sign......at least she is feeling better about herself.

One thing that made me turn to OM was the fact that I did not feel good about myself at all! I was depressed about my looks, gaining weight, getting older, etc. I craved male attention and I went after it the only way I knew how at the time (You would have to understand my lifestyle to know what I mean by that statement.)But one sign that showed up in me was the fact that I started letting my house work go b/c I no longer cared about it. I no longer cared about the family getting together or if there was anything in the house to eat.....nothing mattered anymore. So the fact that she is showing "interest" in all of these things you mentioned does sound very good. Even if it is the medicine that is causing her to have more energy, etc., I would think that energy could have gone toward the OM instead of her R with you and doing things for her family. So, that is something to think about there!

Encouraging her to do special things for herself is good. Tell her she "deserves" a special treat and then suggest......whatever. That way, she will know in her heart that you really care and that you are building her self-esteem without really saying....."Hey, you need to work on that self-esteem of yours, so go do this and that!" (lol)

Showing her that you are there for her during stressful times is what she will really appreciate.....even if she doesn't say anything. Trust me, I am the world's worst not to tell my H how much I appreciate him and all the things he does to help me, but I always notice.

You are wise not to discuss the OM. Yes, she is embarrased and doesn't want you to bring up the subject of the OM. In fact, if you can do your best to put the OM out of yur mind, right now, and just work on your R with your W.....the better. If and when she is ready to talk about him (which may be never) then leave it to her. I don't think I will ever want to talk to my H about my OM. But then, my H read almost everything we said to each other so he knew what was going on. My H did tell me that he forgave me and that he did not ever have to mention the OM again....and so far, we haven't brought his name up. This coming weekend, I will be approaching my 3 months anniversary that I let go of the OM! I can't remember the exact day....which is good, don't you think (lol). It means I have moved on and I have survived without him. I hardly think of him anymore at all and when I do it is not a "longing" for him that I had in the beginning. It was strickly and emotional affair where he fed my poor low self-esteem by telling me all the things my ego craved to hear.

I think these are positive signs that your W is trying to get her head on straight. I hope she will have the strength to cut the OM out of her life and forget him. Maybe while she is feeling stronger, she will do that. Enjoy the positive things, but as I said, be careful b/c it could be short lived. I hope not, but stay realistic.

About the lawyer's fees......well, you are right about protecting yourself and just be honest and tell her that she was talking D and you had to do that, but you are more than happy to spend that money if it means keeping the one you love.

Again, I want to warn you about not putting too much pressure on her to say the words you crave to hear. I wouldn't tell her you love her, etc., hoping that she will respond b/c it will put pressure on her and she will not like it. Just try to stay calm and upbeat and not get into any deep stuff right now. It seems to be working. If she wants to talk.....let her start it. Remember, don't be a "fixer" like you men tend to be (lol), sometimes we women just need to "talk" and you listen. The magic word.....validate. She needs it.