Hi Puddle! I'm just getting caught up on your sitch- wow, lots to absorb! My initial impression is that you need to back off of the R talks, even though he's bringing it up. It sounds like he really likes to talk about things, almost like he's trying to convince himself of his feelings or that he's doing the right thing (especially when he says that he doesn't want to be married to you any more, sheesh!)
Have you always had serious discussions over email? If so, maybe do a 180 and tell him that you can't discuss these things in that way? In fact, wouldn't asking for a reprieve from R talks and not engaging him be a serious 180 for you?
BTW, what is this Homer book I keep hearing about? Are we reverting to reading the Classics now?
