True sfa I know that we have no control over another person or what God has in store for us. But we do have a mind and know what we believe in.
With that how do you "realize" that you may be better off when in fact you believe with everything you have that you belong beside your S. That you were put on this earth to make a life together. That fate is what you brought you together..
TOH, thats just it, what if Gods plan was for you to have your spouse in your life only for this amount of time in order for you to learn something? You just don't know what fate has in store for you. None of us went to that alter not believing that this is our soulmate, the one we were meant to grow old with, that has changed now.
Understand that sometimes when we question, we are questioning powers greater than ourselves. I would recommend that you read the book "When bad things happen to good people" by Harold Kushner.
I found this book very useful as I struggled internally the way that you are now. Understand that it is written by a Rabbi, but it addresses faith and trust which is what all this boils down to for you. Chapter one is all about the story of Job, are you familiar? His faith is what saved him, his belief that everything happens for a reason is what kept him going.
Go to the library or bookstore and get this book, it is well worth it and will help you with your questions and struggles. Know that you are not alone and that each of us has fealt the feelings that you are experiencing. Time does heal all wounds, even those suffered by the heart.
I literally layed on my den floor one night sobbing from my loss and struggling with my inability to accept and let go. It is not a fun place to be, it hurts your heart and takes everything you have to pull yourself up. It is also not worth it, no one ever deserves that much power in your life. I learned this the hard way, will you?
