Always, I don't think I would call myself brave and strong... idiot is the word that comes to mind.
I'm coming up on two years since this mess started. The bomb didn't drop till Jan (part 1) and Feb (part 2), but I know looking back that this all started around this time two years ago. H started getting more and more distant. I started getting more and more angry and anxious. I was SO unhappy with myself during that time period. In fact, I remember saying to H on our way back from his sister's wedding two years ago, "what is there to love about me? Why do you love me?". I remember feeling really down about me. I just dind't like me at all. That feeling SUCKED.
I'm so happy not to be in that place anymore.
Okay, on the H front... We had a decent talk the other day. We opened up a bit and talked about what's working, what we need more of, etc... He asked when he'll be coming back into bed. I said when I feel more secure about us. Anyway, it was a good talk and I'm glad we had it. I am trying to do what the C said and communicate openly, but not in an arguementative tone.
H is away again until Thursday (which I'm happy about because it keeps me feeling balanced).
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
My doggie is dying. We found out last week. I suspected something was wrong. She's 11 1/2, so I know I should be thankful that she has made it this long. Golden Retrievers don't typically make it past 12. I'm sad. At this point, we're just in a wait and see mode.
on teh H front, things have been steady. He was away all last week. Then we did some family stuff this weekend. He told me his C said he seemed a lot better. Nothing much more than that to report. H hasn't been withdrawn in a while. I'm hoping he can keep it that way.
Just found out my neighbors are getting divorced. So, that's now the neighbors on both sides of me. We must live on burial ground or something. Yikes.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
PS, I, too, am sorry to hear about your doggie. A few years ago, we got a puppy, ostensibly for my daughter, but this little pup ended up being a joy for me as well. She's my first doggie ever ( I try to let the dog be my daughter's, so I am more like the grandmother)...I never understood puppy love til now. Hugs to you.
Thanks girlies for your well wishes for my pup. She's doing okay, but I know her time is limited.
H and I have been doing pretty well. Not too much to report on that front. Slow and steady. I feel like we're connecting and I think he feels the same. I hope we can make it through this.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
I have just read through this whole thread. i see a lot of similarities between our h's. Would you check out my two threads and see if you feel the same?
Big hugs to you. You are doing well. I'm so sorry about your doggy.
Hi PS, I am glad things have settled down for now. You know it is just a matter of time before you push each other's buttons again, so just be prepared for that. In time, I do believe your H will continue to clear, and he will become more of a solid presence for you. As you know, it all takes time, and it doesn't follow a straight course. And after all that, you get to a place where you aren't sure you trust the changes, so you rock the boat just to see how safe it is. This stuff goes on and on...but it does get better. I've been here a longgggg time, and I am still not out of the woods.
On thing you have going for you is that you and H have been able to make your sex life work. Let me tell you, this is major! My H has said that he didn't know if those feelings for me would come back ( they did), and I continue to struggle with low desire at times and my overall ability to simply embrace him, after all the turmoil and damage. But I continue to work at it!
