I know how you feel about wanting to confront and ask. Its what your heart wants, and sometimes DB'ing goes against our hearts. But, what we have tried in the past isn't working, so let's try something new. What do we have to lose? How long is his trip? Is there any way you can find out if she is FOR SURE going without asking him? I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. I am so sorry.
Quote:
The ONLY things I do know right now are:
I love my H with all I have
I DO NOT want a divorce
I forgive him for all of it
I believe we can R and make it work for good
I have made changes in me that would make a world of a difference in our marriage if I just had the chance
You know this, we know this, but you really can't tell H all of this right now. It sucks!!! He won't hear it, won't take it the right way, and won't believe it. I told H that I am trying to forgive him and that I love him a long time ago and he called me a liar saying "How could you love me? How is that possible? You don't forgive me, you are lying". Not a good outcome.
Don't panic, you can't control what he does! Only what you do! It sucks to lose someone you love! It happens! Do you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you? No you don't, DB for yourself so he may want to be with you, or at least you better yourself.
I feel for your sitch. Kids and money make things worse, look for alternatives to arrange for your and the kids finanical needs. Plan for the worst, hope for the best.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
I really don't know for sure if he will even go on this trip. He has mentioned before about going to Omaha and never went. He did not say when he was going. Well he said he thought about last night but then stayed to go to N13's volleyball game. He called this morning and said he was going to CR to get oil and groceries and stuff. The oil so he could change oil in our vehicles. That may to be so he could go.
I do not have a way to know if she is going or not. I know that she will not go to Omaha as BIL lives there and that is where H will stay. What I fear is last time he went out there he dissapeared for 24+ hrs and said he stayed in DesMoines. OW's mother lives there and OW stays with her like Thurs and Fridays. So if he goes it's a good possibilty that they will be together some of the time he is gone. Who knows.
I am really trying to convince myself to think positive thoughts, that maybe this job change and maybe a move is just to get away from both me and OW so that he can then clear his head.
If only there was a way to know what is or has been going on with them.
I have decided not to say anything to H yet. I know that it would not be good. I don't believe anything he tells me so what is the point? I just know that the uncertainty just about kills me sometimes.
As for wanting to be with someone that doesn't want me - HELL NO!!
But! If I really believed that to be true I probably would have ran a long time ago. So here I stand.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
not to be indelicate but are you on meds of any sort? Anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anything? If not, do you have insurance? If you do GO to psychiatric NP or DR and tell them your husband is screwing around with your lives/marriage/future and you need the best pharmaceutical support to help you think clearly and make the best decisions. They will also help you rest better, which will improve your acuity.
I would NOT suggest going to your family DR only because they cannot be specialists in DRUGS and what works best for what or in conjunction with other meds. You might ASK your family doc to recommend someone but don't trust your GP to prescribe the first time around. Besides if you go see someone it will be taking ACTION and make you feel better. Sometimes that in itself is a reason to go.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
no I am not any meds. DR suggested anti-anxiety drugs awhile back but do not want to take them unless absolutely necessary. Right now I am okay. Had a bad night because of H's speach, slept okay but felt really down this morning.
So I took the day off to have time with myself. Time to sort out my thoughts. I talked to a couple people. Read a little on here. Mowed my lawn and now going to go cut the dogs hair.
I've thought and thought. I know that I have to let him go. What if he IS coming around, testing me to see if I'll resort to old habits and will blow on him? No one knows what he is thinking. Don't even think he knows. So Let Go and Let God!
Thanks OTH
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
Detaching is very hard to do. I still don't know if I have it down. some days are easier thatn others. This is where the GAL comes into play. The busier you are the less you focus on them. I know you want answers. You don't get to have them, at least not right now.
I'm glad you took the day for yourself. You don't know what he's thinking so as much as you can "act as if". Sucks to hear this, but it does help. At least it has me.
Anytime I am with H I totally act as if I am just fine. That all is well in my world and he is welcome to join me.
It's the only thing I know to do at this point.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
