Plank removed from my eye, too late for WAW? 6

[Heimlich]

Chicki,
NP on the books. I've got more if you want 'em.

I've expressed to W many times that I'm not interested in staying together for the girls (not lately, mind you), so she knows that. I'm coming back to baseline with dealing with their reactions. No, don't want to guilt her into coming back for the girls, but if she were to try for them, yeah, I'd be OK with that because in a few months I have a feeling that that would be the reason I would continue to give it a shot. I was thinking on the drive back from Baltimore that I no longer consider her a trustworthy person. She has broken my trust with both the A and with deciding not to share her unhappiness with me BUT sharing those feelings with others. If she were to say in the next 15 minutes, "BD, I love you. I'm afraid I'm making a mistake," I'd be happy, of course, but also extremely nervous about how to overcome the pain we've inflicted on each other. I think we can and I'm willing to try, but . . .

Until this past Sunday, neither D had acted affected by the separation with W. I know she most likely perceived as blame/presure (and there was a little of that if I'm going to be honest here), but I wanted to let her know that this is really affecting them and this is what I'm seeing and to please be extra careful of her feelings. It wasn't like I was going GUILT GUILT GUILT if you know what I mean. Hell, i feel guilty about what this is doing to them because of my role in all of this.

Being away from her, to answer your question, Chris, is allowing me to think a bit more rationally about her -- not all the time -- and how the way that SHE acted contributed in some ways to my depression and lack of confidence in myself. I've not though a lot about that, but there's some trust issues there as well. When I needed someone to lean on and support me, she tried, but ultimately didn't. Then she decided to quit; not once, but twice. Both times without telling me how she was feeling. I tried not to dwell on that for a while, but those feelings of abandonment/disappointment/distrust will be hard to overcome. She's going to have to earn that back.

Anyway, time to go retrieve the little buggers.

BD