Are you making a goal to be around the house more? Why? It sounds like it's not too pleasant around there, I know it's tempting to want to spend time around her but think about whether it's productive or not.
The one thing lately that get's my W's attention is me doing things on my own. It gives us something to talk about and for some reason seems to make her curious about me. I think women like independence and strength. Make an effort to go out more, do some things you enjoy, for your own sanity. See how she responds. That doesn't mean avoid her, but let her see that you aren't needy, you are fine on your own and you are going to move on with your life. I know it seems to be a big gamble, but at this point what do you have to lose.
Also, no pressure means no pressure. Period. You do not talk about the R, you do not bring up counseling, you do not point out you want to save the M. PERIOD. Not unless she brings it up. I wish I could rewind 3 months and knock that into my head...
These two things have made a world of difference for me. Along with them I have also started to really let go. Letting her go (truly accepting that right now it's over, even though that may change some day), doing more on my own and putting zero pressure on her (this also means no displays of affection or wistful looks) have made a dramatic change in my R. I am nowhere near saying we'll make it, not at all, but I can say that I am more relaxed and having fun and my interactions with W are much better. We actually talk now more than we have in the past few years. We're sharing more of each other's lives. I'm allowing myself to be vulnerable and share everything with her (everything but my R thoughts that is). I'm supporting her goals and dreams, because I want her to suceed.
All of this I am doing for me. I am being the person I want to be, not the person she wants me to be. Once I really started to let her go, I went from trying to hard and being needy to just being my natural easygoing caring fun loving self. Almost like the pressure was off and I could just be me rather than trying to be what I thought she needed me to be. Is that going to win her back? I don't know, but I know it helps me stay stable and happy and it's certainly much more likely to draw her back than all the other things I did wrong.
