Just wondering....and maybe some along with me....
Why is it that if the op is more of a bandaid, that some of our spouses, do not lead the happy life that they so thought they would lead ? Why is it that some still look miserable and suffer with health problems....
What good is a bandaid if the person really needs antibiotics? IF the MLCer has some serious unresolved emotional issues, a bandaid R does nothing but distract the MLCer from the issues...eventually they resurface and the MLCer still feels bad, lost, abandoned, whatever. JMO, of course!
Hugs, AH
Great opinion AH!!
Hmmm.....seems we are the ones taking the antibiotics and on the road to healing. Sometimes all I can do is shake my head and mutter "poor bastar**" if only they knew.
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
its tucked up in the resources at the top of this forum
they met nov 05....she went after him immediately....EA til June 06,,,then PA....lived together 9/06 to 7/07 when the money ran out and the trips stopped and stuff around march 07 is when her true colors began to creep out. i think april may june his light bulb started coming on.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
It amazes me how much many of you seem to know about the OP and your WAS's relationship with OP. Even though we are Dd, XH has never acknowledged his R to me directly. He denied repeatedly early on in the separation (i.e., 2 years ago), so I just dropped the subject. Mutual friends and colleagues see them together, and of course we all see them together at work (gag). But to my knowledge he hasn't said to S14 "she is my GF" or anything like that. I don't think the three of them do things, just the three of them alone, when S14 is at XH's. His continued secrecy is really bizarre I think. So it amazes me that folks here actually talk to their WAS about the OP, I just can't imagine what that is like.
Sorry for the digression, it has just struck me as I've followed this thread.
I told my psych the other day, that my H must have felt he had a hole to fill (well, yes maybe even literally....) anyway, he needs to feel that which he thinks is empty...ow fits perfectly...at least for now...as long as he doesn't really look inwards...but as soon as he starts doing that, then she won't be a perfect fit anymore, he'll try to wriggle and make sure she fits again, but once she stars 'unfitting' it won't ever be the same and MAYBE after a while, he will not be satisfied with how she 'fits' and he will either toss her out and fit the hole with someone else, or toss her out and decide to look inwards and find what was wrong in the first place.
This is just to demonstrate that ow has NOTHING to do, with H's problems or even SOLVING them...
Therefore the op is NOT important as such in this process ...
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
At their worst, at their most selfish, teenager, parasitic, pathetic, dark morbid the world and life sucks, nothing is my fault, I have no responsibility...
Yes the OP fits perfectly.
And to be honest, I am glad on many levels that my wife choose the one she did, for he is no longer a part of my life beyond revenge fanatsies. Nor is he a part of my friends life with his destructive and antogonistic nature.
In a few years my wife should be able to look back and realize just how far she has come from that point and the person she was "in love" with.
The point is mmot, the OP is a bandaid, because they are a distraction to the MLCer, they tell them all the things they want to hear, do all the things they want to do.
The real friends aren't the ones who always cheer you on, but instead sometimes tell you that you are f-ing up. Not in the OP's gameplan or script normally.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
The point is mmot, the OP is a bandaid, because they are a distraction to the MLCer, they tell them all the things they want to hear, do all the things they want to do.
yup yup soooooo true.
Quote:
The real friends aren't the ones who always cheer you on, but instead sometimes tell you that you are f-ing up. Not in the OP's gameplan or script normally.
my H is soooo lucky in this mess to have his good friend Warren
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
My Hs former good friends seem either to have abandoned him completely or are outwardly turning a blind eye to what he is doing (just like MIL). The only people as far as I can tell who are telling my H how things REALLY are is my KIDS! Of course he doesn't want to believe them b/c he thinks they are just spouting propoganda that I have put into thier mouths.
What is so sad is the witnessing of a complete and utter personality change (or transplant as I prefer to call it!)
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
