There is this paragraph (dont' have book in front of me) in "not just friends" that says something like : it is unfair to compair the sizziling quemistry of an A to the familiar leveled love of a 10yr marriage. Your wife might be searching for that magic faery that will bring her all those emotions one feels at the begining of a R, the kind of feelings you guys had when you were courting. The involved spouse doesnt' realize that, lets say, she would have a permanent R with OG their R would also evolve and the "magic" will end eventually. I wonder if that's the problem.
Yeah, I definitely read that part and it struck home with me. It seems so obvious from my perspective. We had these feelings when we were courting. We talked for hours on end about anything and everything. Things were new and fresh and there were a lot of stories to tell that the other hadn't heard yet. We were inseperable in the first months / years. And then life happens. Work, school, kids, house, chores. Of course things are going to look rosey when with a new person when there are no responsibilities. We've had dinners together recently where my perception was that the evening was wonderful and the conversation flowed easily. We discussed this in counseling and the W thought that the converstations were forced and awkward. I feel as though I'm being compared against impossible expectations. I don't have a problem talking with my W and really do enjoy it, but realistically there are going to be some comfortable or awkward silences (depending on your perspective) as the relationship matures. At what point will she realize that this is normal in a mature relationship?
Quote:
Women have a much greater capability of rememberign things, I'm giving my H at least a few months to mostly get the ow out of his system (mostly), your W will need that much time too if not a bit longer. That doesn't mean she'll be uncabable of working on the M, but just so you'll know, it takes a long time.
I need to just accept this and tighten my belt for the long haul.
Quote:
Start the Imago therapy this week, it could really help you guys.
The weekend is in November. I had bought a workbook that the Imago therapy is based on, but was going to return it since we will be doing the session. I think I may just keep it and see if she'll agree to work through the excercises with me.
Quote:
I know eventually I will trust him more as the months go by, right now we are moving inch by inch, it is easy to despair but keep going, it is a long road but very worth it.
Despair yes, but I will keep going... And I'm happy to hear that things are progressing well with you.
Quote:
I think you are doing the right thing, you are keeping to your vows of being there for better and worse, right now you are in the "worse" part. I see so much promise in you two, keep courting her, don't over do it, just let her know you think of her with little tokens and give her time.
I never thought the 'worse' would be this bad, but I am committed to doing everything I can to make this work.
