Hey, it sounds like you've got a lot going for you and the kids. And it was good that you respected what she said about not trying anything.
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1. How do you know the pace to maintain? I know each sitch is different, but do you go off of gut instinct or actively timeline things?
I'd say you do both...but timelines may or may not work for you and can be awfully artificial and unnecessary. Milestones are better because you will hit them when you both are ready.
More important than any of that, I think, is to stay focused on what's healthy and consistent for families. There is probably no cosmic series of dates/milestones that you need to tap into. It's more about making good decisions when you're ready.
You have all paid a high price to get to where you are. Trusting your W again may be easier said than done.
I was very eager to restore things to normalcy because of our kids and also my desire to get past a very painful part of my/our life. I wasn't, however, prepared for the lingering resentment and difficulty in trusting her again.
It takes a strong will and a tough mind to hold it together when that is going on. I'm not saying that has or will be your experience. But it is something to watch out for.
I think it's important to be emotionally engaged with our spouses and be patient.
The concern that I had about my wife, and that you may have with yours, is that such inconsistent, immature behavior could rear it's ugly head again.
Most marriage counselors I respect recommend knowing someone for at least a year or two before seriously considering marriage. I don't know how that applies to divorced spouses considering remarriage or the possibility of that.
So it seems like taking it slow and deliberate is the best rule of thumb. I don't know if you can gauge things any more specifically than that.
And you commit yourselves to talking alot and making good, healthy decisions together, to the benefit of your family, with no adolescent game playing.
That's just the view from here, pard.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
