Its something I would love to do, however its thanksgiving weekend and have friends coming over tomorrow and then H family Sunday, so wount have alot of time for that!! But I am going to buy some new shoes after work today so that should make me feel better!!!!!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
Sorry I did not reply yesterday -busy working offsite (AKA away from the PC)...
I hope you are doing better today and just focus on you and getttng your PMA going again. I understand the tiredness and I have yet to get this Retrou weekend underway. I promise to relax and unwind this weekend if you make the same promise!! It's hard for me to just do nothing - all weekend we cram so much in we come back to work Monday to rest. I just want to veg this weekend (or at least part of it - LOL)...
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
I will promise to relax and unwind as much as I can, but with company coming and then having to go see family wount be really able to do that till Monday!! but definately will do it then!! For all you Canucks out there....Have Happy Thanksgiving!!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
I just can't seem to get rid of this bad feeling, that we are moment away from the end...I just get this sense that the ow is lurking and she is going to destroy again. We just don't seem to be connecting, we haven't dialouged in days, and when I tried to tell h how i was feeling, we ended up not talking. so it just tells me that nothing has changed, we can talk when things are peachy but if there is a problem, it still isn't going to be resolved, it will be ignored, not talked about so it will just fester again....I just don't see how this is going to help anything.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
Please don't be discouraged - you are one positive sitch I see my sitch a few months behind. Just remember it is usually 1 step foward and 2 back on most days right?
Maybe you can break the issue into smaller chunks and try to alter how you deal with pieces of the problem. Don't bite off more than the two of you can handle. Men are not talkers like us women and that is part of the problem for most of us.
I am not sure if I even help you with my words - in my own sitch my H sounds so discouraged like he just wants to throw in the towel and it's only been 3 1/2 mos since he's come home. I like to think of where we were a year ago and compare it to now - I see so many positives.
Think of all our peers out here that would give their right arm to have come as far as you and your H - just continue taking it in baby steps day by day. I told H last nite it took a long time for us to get so disconnected it will not be fixed overnight...
Have a great Tuesday and work on the PMA!!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
I just can't seem to get rid of this bad feeling, that we are moment away from the end...I just get this sense that the ow is lurking and she is going to destroy again. We just don't seem to be connecting, we haven't dialouged in days, and when I tried to tell h how i was feeling, we ended up not talking.
Limbo, I'm having these same feelings for the past week. Saturday was good (I thought). We went out for a great motorcycle ride and had dinner alone together. Felt like we connected, but I can't escape the feeling that she was thinking the whole time that she would rather be doing these things with the OG.
What about the Retro weekend? It sounded like that was so positive for the two of you. We're planning a weekend with Imago in November and I have a lot of hope for that to help us through this.
Reading your posts up to this point have given me so much encouragement and hope for what can be. Keep fighting the good fight.
Your words do mean alot to me, they help me alot...I don't if I have done the right thing or not but have sent an email to h, asking him if we are what he really wants...I need to bring this to head one way or another...I am not going to going to settle for half, it has to be the whole thing or nothing.
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
fear is your greatest enemy, visualize your M troubles as a firebreathing dragon, it is out to get you and you must fight with all your might, you've come so far. You are giving ow too much power.
Whatever is bothering you, when you bring it up, do not begin by soundign defensive and using negatives "we/you never"
Offer a plan and I bet he runs with it, begin with "I feel unconfortable about xyz, could we do such and such? When you bring up a problem he might be feeling attacked.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Been gone a while wanted to see how you were doing. My W. blind sided me with wanting to go to C. We go Friday this week. That is a positive. I see you are still roller coastering a little. Do you remember what I typed in regards to the closer you get to fixing or rebuilding the more arrows come flying.
Let me tell you a story, had a decent weekend this past one. Things were pleasant, geniune and pleasant. Next thing Monday comes and she is blown away with her schedule. She is in a foul mood and what not. Doesn't call at all yesterday or today, too busy! Well I haven't snooped in months, I snooped, guess what. Something drove me to snoop, I know what it is!
Next thing I get contacted from my previous OW haven't heard from her in many months. Out of the blue her comes the call. Bottom line, when you are moving forward, something (you know what something I am referring too) trys to hold you back or make things easy to give up. Don't give up because of him!
If it is too hard and I know how you must feel, give up because you think it is the right thing, not because of fear or anxiety. "Courage is not the absence of fear, courage is doing the right thing even though the fear is present."
God Bless!
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
These men get lazy. They don't like the work it takes to maintain a relationship. I had that trouble with my husband too. I had to insist that we dialogue not less than 3 times a week. You and he have come so far. I don't think he wants to throw it away. I think he is lazy. As far as OW is concerned you need to dialogue about it.
You could do: "How do I feel when I think you are seeing her?" and he could write on "How do I feel when I see her?" Or something like that. You have the tools to save your marriage. They are no good if you don't use them.
Call the presenting or post session couple for help. The husband will call your husband. You are no longer alone with this. There is help, just reach out and ask for it.
Keep your chin up -- depression is your enemy. Go back and read the notebooks so far. It will help you.
