All hope is lost/help

[cat03]

I second what Red said, unless you understand fully what will the consecuences be of be of telling him to leave, dont', if you are giving him the ultimatum to tell get a raise/emotion out of him it won't work, he is not on the right frame of mind yet.
If I tell my H right now to either behave like a "normal" H or leave he'd have to leave because my H is in no shape to give me what I need, it is MY choice to stay and wait out the storm because I believe, hope, that the good man he is inside will emerge.

I'm struggling to see how you can move from living as friends to something more?

That's how most of this board started on their piecing path, we must begin to know each other again, we learn to accept this new person, we've all changed lots since we married, so we need to adjust our expectations to what is happening now, not to some ideal we had when we were newlywed and all was rosy and problem-free.

What happened to make you want to unload? Was it after H was quite cruel when he offloaded? Did you see his T?

The rock bottom cycle happens to all of us, here and there, it's an emotional cleansing. My H is not cruel with me now, he was cruel durign the A with his lies and deceptions. Have not seen his T yet, I dont' think he is ready and now I have renew energy to let him be, I have given myself until Christmas to reasses the sitch, and see if there have been improvements in our sitch, and I'll go from there, onward, as long as I see baby steps.

I don't even want to talk to him and i have reverted back to ignoring him and i shall distance myself again, even further.

You dont' see inmediate results so you despair and go back to the cheeseless tunnel which will lead you nowhere, or as you said, further away from your goal of keeping your M. It sure hurts to live with someone who acts like an alien, but dont' let HIM dictate how you will act, detach from his behavior. If your M heads down separation it wont' be because you couldnt/wouldnt wait or were unable to let him heal on his own.

I'd like to know what he says to your note.