HELP! In a panic and I need advice FAST! Please!

[theotherhalf]

H just left here. He was in a very good playful mood with a dark cloud over head.

He said he was taking the rest of the week off. Doesn't have to go back to work till Monday night. (Oh God! Kick in my gut! Is he going off with her) Going to look for a different job. Needs to get out of there (his work). Said he may go to Omaha. Or apply at a place in town. Doesn't know. Just knows he wants out of there.

I was very controlled. Listened to him. Said don't blame you, understand. Inside I was a freaken mess. Wanted to scream at him. Are you going off with her!? I know that you are still seeing her!?! What about us?!? Are you going to file for D? How am I going to pay for this place if you quit your job and move away?!?

He even asked me if I could get insurance through my work. I just said I'll do what I have to do.

I did ask if he wants to keep farming. He said he doesn't know.

As soon as he left. I called his mom. She said I did good not saying anything about OW. Just keep your cool she said. Could be a good thing. Maybe he is mostly wanting out of there to get away from OW. Maybe wouldn't be so bad to move to Omaha for awhile to clear his head. Just hang in there.

What do you all think I should do. Do I just sit back and wait to see what happens? If he goes to Omaha at least I'll know that as BIL will tell me. If not then I won't have any idea where he is going. I am so afraid he is getting ready to bolt. I guess though logically he has crops to get out still so it wouldn't be imediately.

I'm about to blow a gasket. I am petrified! But I on the same hand I feel maybe some excitement that mabey MIL is right and he is trying to get away from OW. God I wish I had an insight to whether they are still in contact. Wish someone would let me out of the closet.

[Reincarnated]

Your MIL sounds like a good person--she confirmed that you should continue to DB. Let it roll off of your back. And work on getting yourself as knowledgable and prepared as you can, if he does decide to "bolt" for a while.

Hang in there....I wish I could be more help...it is so hard to sit back and do nothing, smile and pretend that all is well in your world. But that is really what you have to do--start by pretending, and it will lead you into really feeling it. Reread the DB/DR if you feel like you have to do something, then plan an activity that is just for you.

[theotherhalf]

Thanks DF, I'm really trying to hold my fears and emotions intact.

I really really really think that H is coming around. That this could be all just to start over and to get away from OW.

What I fear is that I am fooling myself. That maybe just maybe he maybe talking of leaving state to get away from me too. Or that maybe he is going off to find work where he can be together with OW out in the open. Away from here.

Time will tell....


imLIN are you out there today!!!??? I could use you.

[theotherhalf]

anybody out there with some advice????

I know that there is nothing I can do to "control" what H is doing or going to do. I know that there is nothing I can say.

But is there any insight as to what may be going on here?

This past two weeks have been different. H is different. He can actually look me in the eyes again. (sometimes) He jokes with me almost in ways that he used to. He even kind of flirts with me. He seems to be reaching out to girls a little. He has been around alot more (could be for field work too).

I know I am torturing myself but I can't help it. I also know that I need to let him go. What will be will be. I just can't stand the not knowing what's coming. Bad I know.

Maybe I just need to vent.

[theotherhalf]

my friend from work asked me tonight.
What if you called H and told him that you had the week off too. And that could you go with him. I told her he'd say no and that I'm not going to ask.

What do you think...

[theotherhalf]

Okay just did a really stupid thing. Somebody get the "2x4".
I guess I could blame it on my heart. Cuz they say listen to my heart. Just so happens that once again my heart was wrong.

I called H and asked him if he'd go away with me for a couple of days. He of course said no, quickly. Then asked about N13"s game tonight then okay bye.

I guess you never know unless you ask right. Well sometimes you shouldn't ask either. So now I will go back to not contacting and not asking him for anything. I just wish I could get the part down of getting him and OW out of my head.

What ever is going to be is going to be...

But, our sitch is so complicated. I still think I "know" that H still loves me. I still can not see a future with out H beside me and me beside H. Neither can anyone else close to us. But we are not mindreaders or do not have ESP so only God really knows.

And then there is all that we have. I do think H quitting his jobe would be best but, if he quits his job we will lose this house, the farm, insurance, the majority of income, etc...
H just can't go to L tomarrow and file and this will be over in a couple months. There is so much to decide, split, sell, etc...

I really wish I knew what he is thinking

[theotherhalf]

I am really feeling the NEED to have some answers.

I want to call my H and ask if his future plans are including OW. I want him to know that I know that they were still seeing each other up until a week and half ago. That he is not fooling me at least about her. I am needing him to for once tell me the truth. Hoping that for once he would.

Do I confront? Or do I wait and see?

Help! Anyone...

[LooseThread]

Don't confront. Give him space - that's if you want him back that is.

It sux, it hurts, you want them to know how much you hurt and how selfish they are being. But you know what? They think they are in more pain than you. Anything you do to rub his nose in his guilt will drive him away further.

That's my 2c. Unfortunately I haven't got the DB books. They aren't readily availalbe in Oz and finances are a smidge tight.

I just want to help you out cos you hadn't gotten much response. It's frustrating. I haven't heard much either.

[theotherhalf]

thanks CMC

Your right about the frustration. Everyone on this board has been so helpful for me to get through this. The advice is what keeps me going and hopefully making the right choices.

But it is right now at this very moment I am really loosing it. I feel like I am really at my wits end. I don't know what to do. I am so torn inside of where to go from here. And I could really really use some advice and insight.

The ONLY things I do know right now are:

I love my H with all I have

I DO NOT want a divorce

I forgive him for all of it

I believe we can R and make it work for good

I have made changes in me that would make a world of a difference in our marriage if I just had the chance.

[theotherhalf]

Is anybody out there at all!!??!!??!!??!