well, tostada, I know from experience that the sex doesn't help. I did the same thing and the same thing that happened to you, happened to me. It was all about him and he did nothing for me. That was before I read the DB. Now, if you haven't read it get busy! I started the program 3 weeks ago and have kept my distance-talking with him only when necessary, letting him do what he wants and not asking questions, just plain getting on with my life.
Guess what, today he was actually pleasant (almost like before this MLC) to me and actually told me about something that happened to him yesterday, PLUS he initiated this conversation. Now this is huge, because he stopped talking to me several months ago after he moved out for a few weeks. He moved back in but into the spare bedroom because our DD was extremely p!ssed at him and let him know it.
So, let it be all about her for a while. That is done me a world of good. I feel like we're heading in a better direction right now, although, I'm ready for the backslide at the same time. I read, and re-read, and re-read the MLC section of the book and then go back to the cheeseless tunnels and read them. Stop pursuing! The more I pursued, the madder he got at me and the further away, too. I was pushing him away by pursuing. I ran the whole gammet. I took out the wedding pics, I pulled out the hundreds or cards and letters that we had saved all of these years, I begged, I cojoled, I threatened, I tried to make him feel guilty. Nothing worked.
Another book that I read that has helped a great deal is by Dr. Harriet Lerner. The art of conversation (this isn't the exact name) It has been really good in helping me choose my words and the conversation wisely.
