Above is my situation..My wife who wants the divorce, is always alway with work. She was in town this week to take her sister to a college fair. She never called, or even came home. She stayed at her parents house, took her sister. I called her and asked if she would like to have dinner with me when she was finished with her sister, her Exact words were "I must leave to go back to Michigan (where she is working for now) as soon as I drop off my sister". Then she called me Sunday night on her way back to Michigan, she was nice. She asked how I was, how my weekend was, what I did over the week. How her weekend was...etc. We talked about her job and why she is so stressed with her new hotel location. We must have talked for about half hr or so and then all of a sudden she said that she wanted to get back to driving. I think that she catches herself caring for me and she doesn't want to. I have been reading the DR and I even bought her a copy (dont know if she has even opened it) I have been working so hard trying to get through to her but it seems like one day it will work and the next she will not even talk to me...I know that I should be patient and give her time and space. any advice for me??
OKay, I really need some help. I just got to work and I see an email from my W. It's about all of our finances, she sent me a spread sheet with a break down. She said that after her next paycheck, she will no longer help me pay the bills. She said that it isnt fair to her since she isnt going to live there. She asked if this is okay? How do I answer that? I want to be strong but the only thing I can do is cry. I want to tell her so many things but I know she wont listen and DB'ers book tells me not to.. HELP ME....What should I say back?
Do you have kids? If so, who is/are the kid(s) with? That's a different story because there is child support to think about. If no kids, then you should each be responsible for your own expenses. There isn't anything else to say. Wanna show her you can survive this? Then show her by not appearing desperate.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Do you have kids? If so, who is/are the kid(s) with? That's a different story because there is child support to think about. If no kids, then you should each be responsible for your own expenses. There isn't anything else to say. Wanna show her you can survive this? Then show her by not appearing desperate.
Me
thanks. We do not have kids. I was just nice and I said that would be fine..she replied back that I was being a sweetheart and nice about all of this...We have a trip planned in Decemeber to go to Denver and she is still going..I want her back so bad but I do not think that I deserve to be treated like this..
That's good enough for now. Many on here find their spouse angry and vindictive. She's not being that. You can't get impatient. You need to start small, and her not hating your guts is good enough for now. Now get happy being without her. It can't be that hard to get used to being without her since you hardly see her anyway. So do some fun stuff for you. You might also try a book called, the five love languages (?) by Gary Chapman. You might find that this being apart doesn't feed her love language and so she fell out of love. Try to figure out what it is and maybe there are ways to feed into that language from afar (in a very subtle way because she's not going to fall for ploys to win her back...it's just a thought).
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
That's good enough for now. Many on here find their spouse angry and vindictive. She's not being that. You can't get impatient. You need to start small, and her not hating your guts is good enough for now. Now get happy being without her. It can't be that hard to get used to being without her since you hardly see her anyway. So do some fun stuff for you. You might also try a book called, the five love languages (?) by Gary Chapman. You might find that this being apart doesn't feed her love language and so she fell out of love. Try to figure out what it is and maybe there are ways to feed into that language from afar (in a very subtle way because she's not going to fall for ploys to win her back...it's just a thought).
Me
It is a plus that she doesn't hate me and that is still going on our trip we planned. I try to do things that make me happy or forget about her for a little while but it isnt working. Even though we werent together every night it still is very hard. I have read the 5 love languages and I have figured out what hers are. But I can not spend qualtity time with her since she doesn't want to see me plus she is 4.5 hrs away.
But I can not spend qualtity time with her since she doesn't want to see me plus she is 4.5 hrs away.
That is a problem, but what part of QT does it for her? For some people (I think especially women), the QT is being given the opportunity to talk and be heard. If she calls you up, be very willing to just listen and indicate understanding. If she can feel heard, it might feed that LL some.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
That is a problem, but what part of QT does it for her? For some people (I think especially women), the QT is being given the opportunity to talk and be heard. If she calls you up, be very willing to just listen and indicate understanding. If she can feel heard, it might feed that LL some.
Maybe that is it but she rarely calls but every time she does I listen and try to understand the best I can. I just wish there was something that I can do. Should I ask to visit her for the weekend or even just a day.
That's a hard question. Is there any other reason to be in the neighborhood? Do you know any DBers close to where she currently is? It would be better if you could say you are going to be in the neighborhood, would she like to get together, rather than asking if you can come see her. If you can possibly handle the rejection really well, and can phrase it in a manner that has no pressure attached, then I say you should go for it. The worst that can happen is she'll say she doesn't want you there. In which case you say, "okay, no problem" and show it doesn't hurt (even if it does).
Do you think she's met someone new?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
