How long can a person endure these emotional up and downs?? (I know... depends on the person)
I'm thinking back over the past few months. After the bomb, I put together a set of goals as recommended by others on this board. Most of them have already been achieved following my W's acknowledging that she wanted to work things out. Things seemed to move pretty quickly, and I really saw progress against my desired goals...
W puts her rings back on Our virtual separation ends Start dating each other monthly (dinner, movie, whatever) Weekly lunches W decides to work on our marriage. We make future plans together (e.g., a family or couples trip). W shows me some physical affection (hugs / kisses) W acknowledges there were some positives between us. W stops talking to OG We discuss differences/problems/issues in a healthy way We continue MC
Problem is, things seem to have really stalled for the past week or two. I think I know what the problem is... W is still mourning the loss of the OG and is hesitant / resistant to put effort into rebuilding us. How do I / we work to get past this point?? Because I thought we had moved into a rebuilding stage, I've been taking a bit of a courting approach with gifts of flowers, etc. Should I tone this down?? Should I back off??
This morning I climbed back into bed with W after my shower for a bit of a cuddle. She continues to be completely detached when I try to initiate some affection. I get out of bed and get ready. Before I leave, I go up to the bathroom to say goodbye. She gives a peck on the lips, have a nice day. Ask her if something is wrong and say that it feels as though things have been going backwards for the past week or so. She says that things haven’t moved forward very much, so there’s not too far they can go back. I tell her that I want to start actively working on making things better. She says she doesn’t know how to make things better yet. I suggest we start working through the Marriage Builders workbook. She starts talking about the feelings that she has (for OG) and doesn’t have (for me) and that she doesn’t want to talk about this before work. I walk out.
