I don't often post here but do lurk and occasionally read some posts.
I think Lil may well have hit the nail on the head re your H avoiding sex if he has had problems with the waxing and waning. Obviously there may well be lots more to your situation but this one thing sent up some similarities in my own M
Dom ....you may think you know all about ED but trust me you know NOTHING compared to Lil.
Her knowledge and advice has helped me beyond any books I've read. Thank you LIL!!!!
My own H had trouble with the waxing and waning Karen describes and did a lot of avoidance for a few years. It tended to be me doing most of the initiating ..Like you Karen and he did also prefer me on top.
Eventually after one particular episode when he "lost it" he pretty much did everything to avoid any kind of sexual contact and as I was fairly LD myself plus had been resentful that I was always the one making any kind of move eventually I stopped.
You very flippantly said well he should go see a doctor...this statement alone says you have no idea just how devastating it is for any man to admit that he can no longer function normally.
Just because viagra is available doesn't mean that a man can just pop a pill and away he goes. The knowledge that he is no longer a real man unless he takes a pill first is traumatic for many men.
In my husbands case he really hoped it would go away as is the common response. He turned to porn again Karen this is possibly why your H has done this. My H actually used viagra with porn because of the fear that he may "lose it" with me a real woman.
As for the attitude that well it doesn't or shouldn't really matter as he could still give me pleasure....that made me laugh because that was my initial response when I found the viagra in the 1st place. Totally the wrong thing to say as it DOES matter it matters A LOT.
That was just something my H was unable to do ....without an erection. Selfish maybe but thats how he felt.
There were lots of other cicumstances that had led to our SL going to zero I had an op that meant sex was painful my age 55 meant my desire levels had dropped pre menopause plus I knew my H had the ED problem.
It was the occasional failures that led to a psychological ED as there was no medical reason....however once this happens a few times and then total loss more than once it becomes a HUGE hurdle to overcome.
My own H withdrew emotionally as did I and it took a lot of time and some meds L-argenine to get to the point we are now. I consider myself very lucky that we have managed to rekindle our SL and have probably ML more often in the last 6 mnth than the last 6 yrs.
Karen don't discount fear of failure as being one of the reasons why your H feel unable to give you pleasure ....know it sounds and maybe is selfish but it is more common than you'd think.
