opinions on "small separation"? Read and respond?

[Ophelia]

I wonder what the note means. I have a feeling its good. If your S was going to give you awful news, would they really put it in a note first? I don't know, but don't think so.

My H officially left home by sending me an email from interstate, telling me that when his plane landed, he was going to his parents' place instead of coming home to me. Never underestimate the potential for guttlessness.

Kids should not have to go through this. And neither should we.

Truer words have never been typed. When all this is said and done, however it ends up, I hope you will instill in your D that your S's behaviour is not acceptable. I'm not sure how to do that without slandering your S, I just know that I'd hate for your D to grow up and do a similar thing one day because she believed it to be acceptable behaviour.

I am also wondering what it would feel like if she said "I've decided to leave". My mind says that to feel those feelings now might make them not so overwhelming if they do have to come up in reality. That sounds crazy even as I write it. Anybody else ever feel that way?

I never thought my H would actually leave. When we'd started sleeping in separate rooms, I did try to imagine what it would feel like if he did actually leave, but it hurt too damn much, and so I convinced myself that it wouldn't ever happen anyway, so I shouldn't hurt myself by even thinking it.

Then, after he'd left, I'd wonder if he was seeing someone else yet. I envisaged him with another woman, kind of trying to prepare myself for the worst. Then I got that email where he ever so casually told me he was seeing someone new, and my first reaction was to throw up, then spent the next 2 days curled up in the fetal position on the sofa, clutching my fave wedding photo.

You can't really prepare yourself for it, because as painful as you imagine it could be, the reality will always be worse.

After so much work and perserverance and being just plain STUBBORN I hate the thought that this might get shredded anyway. A friend told me yesterday that nothing I've done will ever be in vain because I will always be able to say I tried everything.

Seems like small consolation, doesn't it? Am I proud of the fact that I've remained standing for my M for this past year, even though H has made it blatantly obvious time and again that he's completely done? Yes, I'm proud in the sense that I believe I'm doing the right thing, and can still look at myself in the mirror. I do wonder what other people think of me though. Do they just see me as pathetic for my stance, instead of strong?

At the end of the day, I suppose I don't have to live with any of those other people though, so as long as I've done what I believe to be right, it wasn't a waste of time.

That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.

I hope your S isn't just frakking with you with that last email. That would be incredibly cruel, because there really is only one way to interpret it. I'll keep all my fingers and toes crossed that you get the outcome you're hoping for.