Thank you, everyone, for your words of encouragement and advice. The situation does not feel hopeless, but it feels very fragile. I understand and believe in the concept of divorce-busting, but it is so hard to know what is the wise thing to do in a given situation.
I know my husband is hurting and I feel powerless to help, although he has thanked me sincerely for "being nice" to him. In a lot of ways he is treating me better than he has in a long time...He used to act so irritable and clearly blamed me for his unhappiness (and anger). Now he is unhappy, but does not seem to see me as the cause of it, anymore. I am tempted to reach out to him, but I understand that pursuing him is a pressure that he can't stand at this time.
I have tried to have calm and sanity and courage, partly for my sake, but mostly for our kids, who are also hurting. I am very grateful that neither one is living at home, full-time, as this is happening.
Thank you for saying there are positives, and for the "attitude adjustment" advice, and the advice for other reading I can do. I sometimes feel such panic--it is such a relief to have people to turn to, who understand what I am trying to do, and don't tell me to coldly cut him off.
Are we really talking about years, here? I find that prospect so daunting--I do love this man, but I'm not sure how long I will be able to do this!
These are my current mantras: I do not know what the future holds. The truth is continually revealed (a Quaker thought).
Here is another very specific question: We live on a small (30 odd acre)farm, that is so beautiful, but if we do break up permanently, we will not be able to afford to keep it. Also, I am now out here alone, and it is lonely--just a little over a year ago I was the mom "holding down the fort" for a family of 4.
My husband asked me to wait at least until Christmas before I did anything about moving toward selling our home. I am afraid that putting a deadline on it is going to result in making an irrevocable decision to sell our home, prematurely. Any advice on how to approach this decision?
Wow, I am so used to making plans and then putting them into action! This is a whole new ball game!
