well, we had her bday dinner tonight and I'm not feeling to positive about it. first, we get in the elevator and she makes sure shes standing completely on the other side of the elevator from me. then at dinner, she chooses a seat in which I cannot be very close. ok..those things I guess I slightly understand. dinner part was fine, but I'm irritated with the presents part. all the presents and cards from family were opened for all to see, cards passed around, and read. not mine. mine was top secret, read below the table, put in purse, and I get a quiet thank you. that's all I hear about it all night...nothing more. no hugs, no other thank yous, zippo. she was also busy texting and checking vm at dinner. I can't believe how rude she has become. I guess its the waw "me,me,me" syndrome. then after dinner, she could use help carrying some stuff to car, but won't let me help her. one of the things that came up in counseling was I didn't help out enough. now it seems when I offer or try to help, she won't even let me. there was also a quote when the kids were eating desert.."they don't usually get dessert at MY HOUSE"...I added that they don't get it at MY HOUSE either. how rude is that?
anyway, its tough being positive when she shows no interest at all. doesn't ask questions of me, zero interest in my day or life right now.
we have counseling tomorrow. its going to be all about some sort of separation agreement. I don't really consider that counseling, that's mediation. I want no part of that. and, shes leaving immediately after to meet up with friends and go drinking. now that's classy. kids will be w a sitter as I have to drive out of town. they will again be w sitter next day because shes going out to dinner again. then, shes going out of town for 6 days. I don't want my kids raised by a sitter, thus, I don't want to leave this house. anyway, I'm pretty frustrated w her. this isn't the person I have been w for 16yrs. I haven't told her any of this. kept my mouth shut. no R talk at all.
I feel like were trending downhill every week. more "cold" treatment, much less physical contact, and less and less social contact. anyway, I guess I just really have to deatch the best I can, work on myself, and hope time and patience pays off.
