HELP! In a panic and I need advice FAST! Please!

[theotherhalf]

Okay just did a really stupid thing. Somebody get the "2x4".
I guess I could blame it on my heart. Cuz they say listen to my heart. Just so happens that once again my heart was wrong.

I called H and asked him if he'd go away with me for a couple of days. He of course said no, quickly. Then asked about N13"s game tonight then okay bye.

I guess you never know unless you ask right. Well sometimes you shouldn't ask either. So now I will go back to not contacting and not asking him for anything. I just wish I could get the part down of getting him and OW out of my head.

What ever is going to be is going to be...

But, our sitch is so complicated. I still think I "know" that H still loves me. I still can not see a future with out H beside me and me beside H. Neither can anyone else close to us. But we are not mindreaders or do not have ESP so only God really knows.

And then there is all that we have. I do think H quitting his jobe would be best but, if he quits his job we will lose this house, the farm, insurance, the majority of income, etc...
H just can't go to L tomarrow and file and this will be over in a couple months. There is so much to decide, split, sell, etc...

I really wish I knew what he is thinking