Bang brothers company. Thanks, it never occured to me. I still feel sick. MK, he used to think strip clubs and porn were degrading to women, like I remember you saying about your H. I just can't swallow this.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
I did finally get that rack in. It looks really nice with all my glasses.
H changed the password on netflix, but not the address. I'm still getting the movies we had in our que to watch together. I got The Holiday. How fitting. Maybe I'll watch that tonight. Feeling pretty crappy and down trodden. I feel like Eyeore. "Thanks for noticing me."
Tomorrow is another day.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
neph-- On a good note, maybe he turned to the porn because he isn't getting any...men need visual stimulation. How sad.
Don't let is actions and behavior get you down, hun. Remember these are HIS choices. And it is fitting that if he is acting so irradically in the most important aspect of his life (his marriage), that the sickness would spill over to other parts of his life. It is all part of the alien.
If he was happy, would he be watching porn? Either he is still searching for something in desperation that he can't have, or the OW is more disgusting than we could even imagine.
Hang in there, and know that every time you go into that room, you will see that rack and smile, a symbol of a woman with her power tools!
You know I've been thinking (too much probably). Maybe I never really knew him.
He has had 2 other serious relationships besides me. The first was into porn and cheated on him with another woman. She later got seriously involved with a guy in the porn industry.
GF #2 was into toys and initiated a threesome with GF#1. She could not have sex until she had self gratified herself. Sad and sick.
H played around with bondage and once freaked out because he thought he accidentally gave me a disc that had pics of him and OW in bondage poses.
That would make me the odd one in his trail of women. I am a prude, I guess. Maybe I was the 180, the transitional R after his mom died. Maybe this is who he really is. Was our M a sham?
I would not be surprised if OW is into porn. The last half dozen times H and I were intimate, I felt like it was very porn, not like we ever had ML before. It was a circus show. Maybe that's how they are together. I still feel so sick.
I am contemplating changing my cell number. I want to just crawl under a rock. I don't think I can look him in the face, let alone act as if. I am going pitch black. I know this shouldn't be such a big deal, but it is.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
Give him a chance to explain himself. You are running ahead with all sorts of explanations in your head and it's not healthy for you or for your marriage. His relationships with his other girlfriends were just that -- his relationships with other girlfriends. what happens between 2 consenting adults is private. Don't judge his other relationships by your standards. Wait and let him respond. See what he says, deal with that.
Sara, if she is this affected, going dark might not be a bad idea, no? Neph, you have done so well trying to detach. This isn't really too much different, is it?
I mean, we recognize that they are with another person right now. Having sex with them. Yes, it is gross, disgusting to think about it. Something we could never imagine ourselves doing, so against our morals. But, there they are. It is not so much of a leap when they have stooped so low as to stoop a bit lower.
Seems like he is reverting to his pre-attached days...?
You already left him the message, so he will respond, or he won't. Just let it go to voicemail each time. You don't have to talk to him.
You should talk to him. Without anger. Remember disappointment in a person is much more powerful than anger anyway. Go for the commitment to go to Retrouvaille. Send him the link, http://www.helpourmarriage.com. Communication is the key to getting along. If you fix the communication there is a good chance you'll be able to fix the other things that are wrong. Without it, you are just going to keep digging a deeper and deeper hole.
Thank you Sara. I know you are right. I just need to cool off a little. I will send the link. Then the ball will be in his court.
My goal s reconciliation. Acting out of fear and anger has helped significantly to put us where we are now. I need to remember that.
I love my husband. I just don't like the things he is doing. I don't like some of the things I am doing either. It helps to put things in perspective. These circumstances that we have put ourselves in have brought out the worst in both of us.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
You sound calmer and more balanced already. That is good. You can do this. Marriage is difficult. Every day is a test of some kind. With help you can work through it. It doesn't come naturally, and there isn't a happily ever after. If you and he want to make it work you can. You have to learn to work together.
