Things are great with exh and I. He's not giving me a reason to think otherwise by his actions and words.
With that being said, why am I driving myself crazy still trying to play detective? I am constantly looking at his cell bill online and seeing how many minutes he talks (I don't know details till after statement comes out) or how many text messages he sends and recieves. Why is it when he leaves my house to go home I wonder "is he going to call her?" OW is a teacher at my exh's kids school and I wonder on the days that he picks them up..."are they standing there talking? Does he miss her when he sees her?"
I am literally driving myself crazy. I know its only been a few weeks with no issues, but I want to relax. Do you ever stop snooping? I am worried that if I stop snooping and believe what he says and does that I may be fooling myself that he could be living two lives.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
It takes awhile to get over the urge to constantly snoop. It did me and at certain times I still will (b-days, xmas).
Just keep up the good work ands try not to be at his b eck and call so to speak. Keep working on you and what you want for you. It will say millions to XH.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Thanks Jak.....I went to my counseling appt. today and she said the same thing. She felt that I was now at the point of driving myself crazy and possibly setting myself up for sabatoge. Almost like I am trying to find something on him.
Trying to have the attitude that unless I hear different, I am going to trust him.
Ugghhhh....those words are hard to say.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Feeling a bit down today. This is so hard and my patience is thin.
I can't say things are going bad, because they are going well. It's just me. I feel like exh has the perfect life. He can come and go here, see his child when she is born, be a family when he wants and then when he wants peace and quiet or independence he goes home. I feel like this is the perfect scenario for him. Why should he ever change?
Yes, we are piecing. Trying to put our marriage back together. It just seems like there haven't been and talks lately about the future. How long do we plan on doing this?
My counselor thought things were good now and not to rush. Maybe its my pregnancy hormones. I know in my heart I don't want him to move back in without being married. Not just live together.
He has been in a bad mood these past few days. I automatically think its me. I have no idea what it is. He says he is just stressed. Stressed about what? He has the perfect life.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
[/quote] I feel like exh has the perfect life. He can come and go here, see his child when she is born, be a family when he wants and then when he wants peace and quiet or independence he goes home. I feel like this is the perfect scenario for him. Why should he ever change? [quote]
You feel it because right now he thinks he does have the perfect life. THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO SET BOUNDRIES!
You are letting him come and go at will way to much IMO. He seems to have no responsibility to you and the children. He can come have fun and go when he is sick of the responsibility. Try telling him that he can't come over at certain times because you have other things to do. When he calls do not answer every time. Be vague about what you are doing, but be nice and do not let him see anger and do not pursue. Let him see that you are controlling you and that you do not need him to be happy.
Don't worry about talks of the future right now. Just let him see what he could be loosing again if he continues the way he is. Above all you do need to be patient this takes time. It was five months from the last R talk before i even asked my H about how he was doing in his MLC. I probobly should have waited even longer but, it was brought up in a convo. We still have a long way to go.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I have pulled away from him the past 2 days. He has called and text'd often but it really bugs me that we have these separate lives. I didn't even see him yesterday. He stayed at home and I had my kids.
I find myself going dark on him out of fear and protection. It's almost my way of keeping somewhat safe. But the only thing is he thinks I am angry with him or he has done something wrong. He really hasn't. It's just me not trusting him to be sincere.
Do I tell him I am petrified, scared and so fearful? He knows I don't trust him fully yet. But do I tell him when he asks me what is wrong that its just fear?
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
My suggestion is you tell him that you are not angry and that you are sorry if he feels that way.But that you need space and time to think about what you want in your Life. I think this would keep him on his toes.something to that effect.
JAk
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
A lot of people find themselves i think going dark to protect themselves from hurt. It also serves as a wake up call to the WAS by doing it in most cases. But don't tell him that. Let him see someone who appears confident and who can live with out him.
Kind of like you are making life decisions and need time to yourself to do this, and he might just get scared that you will make a decision not to keep him in your life.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
What is wrong with me? I am being so distant towards him, but inside I want him to see this and fix it. Fix my untrust. Fix my insecurity.
He was just here and helped me move something heavy that I couldn't. He came in and it was rather akward. I am crying on the inside for attention and love. But on the outside I am being cold.
He was flipping through an ad that came in the paper and made a comment..."I need to get a crock pot". Inside I wanted to yell...."I have a crock pot you idiot. Why would you get your own if you are going to move here some day?"
I don't feel loved like I did a week or so ago. He is very casual about whether we spend time together. He has his kids the next few days and probably will be doing his own thing with them.
I am so down right now. All I got when he left was a hug and a "I will talk to you later".
I wonder if I am just spinning my wheels.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
What is wrong with me? I am being so distant towards him, but inside I want him to see this and fix it. Fix my untrust. Fix my insecurity.
He was just here and helped me move something heavy that I couldn't. He came in and it was rather akward. I am crying on the inside for attention and love. But on the outside I am being cold.
He was flipping through an ad that came in the paper and made a comment..."I need to get a crock pot". Inside I wanted to yell...."I have a crock pot you idiot. Why would you get your own if you are going to move here some day?"
I don't feel loved like I did a week or so ago. He is very casual about whether we spend time together. He has his kids the next few days and probably will be doing his own thing with them.
I am so down right now. All I got when he left was a hug and a "I will talk to you later".
I wonder if I am just spinning my wheels.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
