Thanks. The OW is the bit that fits for now, and the bit that, if it fails to fit, wil get them searching for what they do want. As long as the OP fits enough, [whatever that is] they will go on being OK. Of course in some cases the OP gets fed up and wanders off, too.
A
I have been watchin this thread........just to get a glimpse of how others perceive the OP.
Yes, they are band-aide.
BUT.....if your spouse is TRULY in a MLC or change of life...then I think this might fit. If your spouse has just truly had enough....there is a difference. WAS or MLC'ing spouse.
I shall say my XH was both. He is still showing sign of true MLC....hence the now it's ok to date since we are divorced. Hence the not in a hurry to sale our home. The list goes on.....
But...our marriage was not perfect, neither am I, nor was he. Unfortunatly he has all the family here and he used to tell them if I complained that he did not take out the gargabe, therefore....I became a "unworthy wife". I can go into details how he HELPED everyone with everything except when it came to his own home. But that is not important now. There are sign, sometimes there area HUGE signs saying HELLO...something is wrong here..I did not see it until it was too late. Thus, the growing process. Then we start to change ourselves, we look at how we were as a spouse, friend, coworker & inlaw...we see our faults and recognize them. For some reason they stay in the "It's too late to change" cycle.
Now......here comes the OP. OP Other person.....this person does not know OUR family history, nor our closeness or dreams. They only hear what they are told. If you think your spouse lies to YOU......hmmmm. What do you think they are telling the OP?? Of course they will speak of how misunderstood they were or how unfairly they were treated or even that they were "used". OMG! Hey...we've all been an OP in one way or the other.....as a friend or even as a person whom is getting their hair done and listens to the other patrons of the shop. Our opinons are based on what WE HEAR. We tend ot base our opinions on what we hear, not what we KNOW.
So yes.....the OP plays a significant part. A huge part. As a LBS how can you compete with someone whom is there sugar coating everything that your spouse says? They hear what they want to hear and believe what they are told.
I hold no empathy for a OP. Period. I have told my xh on several occasions now that we are divorced THAT HE needs to spend time alone. Without oustide interferance as it only clouds his judgement. To this day.....everything that I have told him would happen....has happened. He is not a bad man.....he is more of the kind that seeks empathy. He is always the "victim". He only needs to hear.....It's ok, you wlll be fine once you are away. Guess what? He is not OK. He's far from it.
I, on the other hand am learning how to be OK. If I cannot love me, or who I am or what I stand for. Then I will never be able to cope with another relationsiop. To some, this has been a blessing in disguise........you just need to LOOK for the POSITIVE.
Eeeeesh......OP or no OP, I will be fine. But will they? Now that is the million dollar question!
Much love to all
Jeanette
PS....I again told him the xh that I would not be the OW to the OW.....this is always met with hostility. Hmmm, why is that?
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
