Plank removed from my eye, too late for WAW? 6

[chicki]

Also, checking in,

Heim, how was your weekend?

Waw,

Talking about "feeling of home". I hope now that H's "things" are over at our house, that maybe he will not feel so "honey" at OW's.? Understand? Yes he took quite abit of clothes,but I knew he needed it for his trip also. He made a point to "show" me how he was not taking ALL his clothes w/ him, I thought it was cute....

[waw1978]

Chicki,

I hope your H gets his head on strait and does right by you and your girls. I hope latest actions are legit and moving in the right direction.

[Heimlich]

Nothing much going on, ladies.

This post is all over the place. Spent all day at a trade show focused on records management. Ug.

Enjoying the hell out of my TV. W had the girls this weekend, was a bit bored and drank a little, but nothing crazy. Was pretty whipped from deadlines and working out the previous week. Went to a kickboxing class last Thursday, had a hard time walking Friday and Saturday. Hit a little lull in the weight loss, but back on target. Since Jan, have lost 11 inches of girth from around my belly. Still having a hard time believing I let myself get that fat for so many years.

Girls are doing OK. Casey has taken to running from me when I go to pick her up -- hiding sometimes. That, uh, what's the word -- sucks. Broke through my reserve on Friday, said something to W like "they're hurting and they'll adjust but be better with both of us than if we continue on this path." First time ever she agreed to that statement. Girls have been talking about going to a moonlight corn maze, the girls have expressed an interest in all of us doing something together, asked W -- was non-committal. Yeah, pushed a bit. Not as bad as in the past, reading Homer and some other bits nightly now.

Can't remember what I said, something fairly innocuous, she said something to the effect of "i'm not ready to spend time with you yet." Dunno, maybe a softening as she sees the girl's hurt too. Apparently Casey (the youngest) broke down Sunday morning missing me. That was, in a twisted way I hope you all understand, good to hear.

Oh, last Friday told her about Casey (crying, etc.). Chatted for a few minutes when she picked them up at my place. Apologized for going to the house without calling her first. Can't remember what she said, but said something that I know you feel violated and I know what that feels like [how I refrained from elaborating, I don't know]. Told her that I only snooped one time previously, thought about buying software to read her hotmail the night she told me about the A (1 year and 2 days ago; historical note, we've always dated our time together from October 1990, I'd prefer to celebrate that anniversary), but that I made the decision to trust her even though it tore me up inside every day that she went to work until about last jan/Feb. Told her I made the decision to trust her and never drove by the office, checked her cell, looked at her email, nothing in all of that time. That I had trusted her. She didn't have much to say.

Something in me, hopefully not unfounded optimism, says that she's starting to rethink things. that my consistency in trying to better myself, being happier, losing weight, doing stuff with the girls, not drinking nearly as much, dance lessons, and continuing to love/not blame her may be starting to have an effect. Or, I could just have my head up my ass.

Oh, big update -- last week/week before. Don't think I mentioned this. I flat out asked her if she had been seeing OM romantically -- no. Are you considering it - "I don't know" I replied with "finally, honesty." Now that I think of it, I think I covered this already.

Anyway. Haven't been posting on my sitch. Just don't have the energy at the moment. I'll be hit or miss for a bit until I get a second wind.

BD

[oldtimer]

Heim,

"Can't remember what I said, something fairly innocuous, she said something to the effect of "i'm not ready to spend time with you yet." "

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give her one damn chance to approach YOU.

[Puddle]

Hey Heim!

Glad to see you back (and so much *less* of you---impressive loss of inches, there)! (Around your middle, I trust I don't have to add. Argh---the ghost of CVA.)

Broke through my reserve on Friday, said something to W like "they're hurting and they'll adjust but be better with both of us than if we continue on this path."

"Broke through my reserve" sounds like it's a positive step. I'

m gearing up for this, too, as you know, but you've got to stop that using the kids as a reason to work on things. You know it. If this keeps up, you'll either drive her off for good or bring her back and be looking at a beehive of resentment down the line. Again, you know this. What can you do to stop it from happening again?

Yeah, pushed a bit. Not as bad as in the past

It's good that it's not as bad, but while you put the positive spin on it, you know she'll put the negative spin on it: "He's still pushing, still not getting it, not giving me space, won't back off..."

Apologized for going to the house without calling her first.

Please tell me this is a repeat of what you've already posted and that you didn't apologize again.

Can't remember what she said, but said something that I know you feel violated and I know what that feels like

Oh, Heim...

Told her I made the decision to trust her and never drove by the office, checked her cell, looked at her email, nothing in all of that time. That I had trusted her. She didn't have much to say.

Why in the world would you tell her all that now?

Something in me, hopefully not unfounded optimism, says that she's starting to rethink things.

I hope you're right, Heim, but:

asked W -- was non-committal..."i'm not ready to spend time with you yet..." She didn't have much to say..."

Who knows what's going on in her head? I'm afraid anything you do that's a slip at this point will be magnified 1000x under W's microscope and she's still running. Can you back off any more?

Reading about your love for your W has helped highlight for me the lack of love I feel for H. This makes detaching muuuuuch easier for me than it is for you, but I wish it for you, too, so you have any chance of her coming back.

Take care, Heim.

[Not Much Left]

Hey, what ghost, I'm right here, all the time. All CVA, all the time!

[MinnesotaMan]

Something in me, hopefully not unfounded optimism, says that she's starting to rethink things. that my consistency in trying to better myself, being happier, losing weight, doing stuff with the girls, not drinking nearly as much, dance lessons, and continuing to love/not blame her may be starting to have an effect. Or, I could just have my head up my ass.

It sounds like you're taking good care of yourself and making alot of progress, Heim. I hope that everything works out for you and that there really is progress and positive gain.

Amazing work, though, Heim, on GAL'ing!

[Not Much Left]

H
Read Homer, have you? May help.

[MinnesotaMan]

I read Homer. Some of the book repeats itself, but I've found some of what he's written to be helpful.

His comment of "there are hundreds of beautiful women out there" seems to try and lessen the validity of the love you feel for your spouse. While it is important to try and detach (I'm fighting to let go enough that I'm not hurting) to just be willing to say "there're other chicks out there, this one's not important" (essentailly) is difficult.

But then again, some of his thoughts are, as I've said, helpful.

[Nomopo]

Great post Puddle (and OT)!

H, did you read those?