IMP has offered you some really good advice. If you want to preserve your M, it will not be easy. If you seek to make him wrong, you will not have the opportunity to preserve your M. You choose.
I am spiritually eclectic, but I did find one book particularly helpful to me in the beginning of my S from my H, which is Sally and Jim Conway's book "When your Mate Wants Out." And Sally Conway also wrote a book "Your Husband's Mid-life Crisis" Those two books helped me to understand what my husband was going through, and to have more compassion and patience.
If you can help your children to understand that your H is having a hard time, but that he still loves his family very much, it will help. If they are willing to suspend judgement for a little while, along with you, and still let him know that what he is doing is scary for them, and that the family remaining intact matters to them, it may help.
You can be a bridge to the things that really matter to him, rather than a wedge. DB Coach Chuck told me that being a link to family is a very important role that no one else in your H's life will ever be able to duplicate. Try to be patient, kind and understanding. Think of your weekly dinners as dates. Enjoy your time together. Be a girlfriend for a while, be fun and light, don't worry him or pressure him. Take that stuff here.
Believe me, 6 days out of the week, he is lonlier than he has ever been in his life. Meanwhile, you just keep taking care of you. Buy some new outfits, exercise, start a class, do some GAL activities and become a little interesting, surprising and mysterious. You have 29 years of history in your favor. Now spice it up a bit, without pursuing or putting up walls. Many many couples go through a period of S in a long M. How you handle it could make the difference as to whether the S is long or short.
My M appears that it will be ending in a D. My H is deep in MLC and it has been over 2 years that he has been having an A, and that's just that. I have no regrets though, about who I was during the past two years. I have looked hard at myself, made some major adjustments, I was an awesome DBer, and I am a more spiritual, more grounded and much more interesting human being.
Do the best you can here, for as long as you can or want to. I never thought I would last longer that 6 months (that was my first goal - to DB for 6 months). Then I added 3 months, and then 3 more. Because it was working for ME. When you get to the point that all the choices you are making are working for you, you will feel great, no matter what your H does. That is the real goal.
Hang in there. We are with you. I will check in with you periodically.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
