Whoa, people. First farmgirl, there are positives to your situation. Your H hasn't gone off and hooked up with someone else. as was thew case with 99% of us. As for boundaries, it seems like coming over once a week or so to be with you isn't an overload. The man is obviously hurting or he would have never used the words "grow up."
In your postings, you seem to have a lot of hurt and confusion with a little pissed off thrown in for good measure. If you want to save your marriage, you have to try and look past the current state in which you find yourself. I can tell you right now, if your attitude which is showing up here is allowed to carry the day, you might as well go file divorce papers right now.
Now to your daughter. I can understand her hurt, but it isn't like your H has thrown his family away. Rather it makes much more sense to explain to your daughter that her father is having uncertainty in his life which is normal. Yes. It is normal. We all go through uncertainty about our lives. Your daughter is old enough to understand this.
As for Thanksgiving, it would be a mistake at this point, to push him away. There is so much talk around here about how family can make a difference. I believe that. Don't let the current difficulties rule the day, it will only serve to push your H away. And his actions say anything but wanting to leave. Do you want to look back some day and wonder if not having a healthy family Thanksgiving is the straw that broke the camels back? I think not.
Your H is not abusing you. Your H is not eschewing his familial obligations. He seeks to be around. This is not the time to put up walls. This is the time to seek solutions.
