Dom, don't pretend to know what goes on in the mind of a guy who CANNOT get an erection, because you haven't a clue. I'm not overthinking, and I'm not pretending to be a guy. You're really starting to piss me off.
And yes, of course I know a guy can have an erection without being aroused. Did you know a guy can have an ejaculation without orgasm AND an orgasm with out ejaculation. When I said that the erection is an undeniable sign of arousal, I wasn't referring to spontaneous physiological erections that happen in the absence of explicit sexual stimulation (morning wood). I meant that when a guy is feeling aroused, approaches his partner (male or female, I guess), and doesn't get an erection-- or gets one and loses it-- he doesn't know for sure whether or not he is aroused. Often his first reaction (which may be said aloud or kept to himself) is that it's his partner who is NOT arousing him. If you reach out to a beautiful naked woman and your penis does NOT respond-- not at all-- not a tremor, what would you conclude about that? Would you conclude that there is something wrong with you or with her?
I've been dealing with this INTIMATELY for 17 years. I have researced it ENDLESSLY looking for answers, first in my marriage and now in my current R. I know TONS more about it than the average guy whose equipment functions well.
I had one lover in my pre-marriage days who could not come while in my vagina because it was too smooth. He learned to O while MB and liked the rough feel of a hand. Another one had to stimulate himself manually until just before O and then insert. Did you know there were so many variations? My other NINE lovers functioned more or less "normally," but EACH one had his little quirks. Women who have had multiple partners know more about a man in bed than other men do (except gays). Just like I have no idea what other women are up to in bed.
Read "Making Love Again," or "The Men We Never Knew." You've experienced it ONCE? Lucky guy. You don't have any idea what you're talking about on this subject! You have only limited experience of YOURSELF, and you don't have this problem.
Karen, my theory is that the "waxing and waning" is enough to cause anxiety, combined with his other adolescent, inexperienced attitudes toward sex.
