I've been reading some other recent posts on Sandi's thread about AD meds and I'm not at all familiar with anything regarding depression/treatments. I don't know the questions to ask, how to ask, or even what I'm going to do with any answers I get, but here it goes:
Wife has told me before that she was diagnosed in her teens as a manic-depressive and was on different medication for this. (I can't tell you anymore details as to what she was taking, when, what, how, who....nothing, I don't know) I do know that she was taking something up until about the time that we got together and for whatever reason, stopped taking it.
From the time that I met her until maybe 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 years into our relationship, wife was what I considered HD. Early on in our relationship, wife would occasionally have times where we would be sleeping and I would be awakened by her crying and for no apparent reason. She didn't know why or what she was crying about, just that she needed to cry. I would always be there to console her and was never critical of her condition, I was just there for her. This would happen maybe once or twice in a 2 -3 month span for about the same 2 1/2 - 3 1/2 years and it slowly tapered off at about the same rate as her going from HD to LD. Connections??? From what I have gathered from some of the posts is that it is usually the opposite no?
For what it's worth, here is some additional info:
- Wife was HD up through the birth of 1st daughter and probably 10-12 months thereafter, again, slowly tapering off along with the crying episodes. - Wife became pregnant with 1st daughter before we were married and was afraid to tell me. I have not really gotten a definitive answer from her as to why but never really pressed for one either. I'm a very easy going guy, so I'm not sure if it was just a common fear that I would abandon her or how I would react. (I'm not that type, and I was thrilled BTW ) - Wife's LD continued during 2nd pregnancy to present (2nd daughter will turn 3 in Nov ) - Wife did not have the most stable life growing up - mom was an alcoholic, and the primary care giver - dad was a Navy man and for the most part, was around. Wife was a typical rebellious teen. No physical, sexual abuse to speak of. (No physical abuse but we both grew up with parents with the same philosophy....no timeouts for bad behavior, we got our ass whooped !! Thanks mom )
When we first got together, I was the most stable thing she had ever had in her life. (Ok, I've opened up some doors for some heckling due to some of my posts) I'm seeing a connection that as her life has become more stable, her depression, anxiety attacks, whatever...have diminished. But so has her libido. I'm curious to see if any others out there have had similar experiences.
I think you should go over to the "Piecing" thread and seek out a poster named kml. She is a doc IRL. See what her thoughts on the matter are...
for what it is worth... I have a cousin who was considered manic depressive as a teen, and in her adult life, morphed into bi-polar. Treating teens for depression using ADs for adults can be a VERY tricky thing, and cause all kinds of side-problems (of which your wife could have experienced). She has struggled with this all her life... and when she feels 'good,' she has a tendency to go off her meds... and BOOOMMMM!!!!! Not pretty. Won't even tell you stories... she lives with a family member now, to help her make sure she NEVER goes off her meds again.
When on her meds... she's fine. Normal, functioning adult. When the resentment at having to live a life based on meds gets to her... and she goes off them... all he!! breaks loose. It is a part of her reality. Period.
Having my own run-in with depression, I would never again just wave it off (in a 'buck up, you can get over it' fashion). It is no secret I can be a real ball busting beotch. I come across that way, but, I think I would astound most people IRL. That attitude has screamed in to save me a few times... but... I am not one dimensional, as typically comes across in written word. Honestly... I am more and more willing these days to cry mercy to my biological programming.
Look into this, buddy. And deeply. Don't let it go.
just that she needed to cry. I would always be there to console her and was never critical of her condition, I was just there for her. This would happen maybe once or twice in a 2 -3 month span for about the same 2 1/2 - 3 1/2 years and it slowly tapered off at about the same rate as her going from HD to LD. Connections??? From what I have gathered from some of the posts is that it is usually the opposite no?
The crying jags can be a symptom of bipolar disorder as well as depression. Everyone thinks of bipolar as this up, happy, manic time, when in fact it can very much have mixed symptoms ( crying, anxiety, depression) at the same time.
Actually, I did figure out why my libido works that way: When things are stable, I see my H in more of a "parental" role, and when things are more unsettled, I seem to better view him as a lover.
That's one of the reasons an O is virtually impossible while on SSRI's (type of ad: zoloft, paxil, cymbalta, celexa, lexapro. Wellbutrin is NOT in this class.). Your body cannot become physically tense enough to bring you to O (which is all about reaching a peak of physical tension followed by release).
My wife is on antidepressants and has been for a few years has it helped our SL yes because she's allot better off when shes on them. It probably doesn't do anything for her "drive" and this seems to be the focus of your question. I would probably say that her drive in acording to most warnings has a high possibibilty of being dampened by the takeing of antidepressants. Welbutin is supposed to have the least sexual side effects.
Don't think for a moment that there is a pill out there thats just going to change her level of desire. Depression is much more than just a depressed libido. Living with a spouse who is suffereing from depression is no easy task how much caretaking and how much you can actually do is limited. If you want to see where the boundaries between you and others are have a relationship with someone who is depressed. There are times when you have to absolutely step away and let them be and not take on their emotions. I can see that if someone were in a highly "fused" relationship that a partners depression could be devistating.
I guess my question for you is are you concerned about your wife's mental health or getting laid?
While orgasm and attraction are defintatly different things I know that SSRI certainly are not without problems or probably fully understood. One warning that Helen Fisher has over the use of SSRI is the effect (affect you'll have to tell me) on the relationship in terms of the feelings of love and connection.
All I know is... when I was on SSRI... I did not have a clitoral orgasm easily... but I still could. Vaginal orgasm did not seem to be affected, as long as stimulation was constant, and in the right place. It didn't seem to be adversely affected by SSRI..,. and the two orgasms ARE quite different... as long as kagel muscles are in good working order.
Mart, certainly mental anxiety can dampen arousal and disrupt orgasm. I'm talking about physical tension... the buildup of the charge as it were, and the leaping across the chasm (as with a capacitor) that is the orgasm. I find that while on lexapro, the stimulation is pleasant, but I can't get physically to that peak. It's like climbing and climbing a mountain but never getting to the top. I also don't have panic attacks while on lexapro. My panic attacks are PHYSICAL. I have a series of physical sensations that my mind interprets as danger and the mental anxiety follows. With lexapro, no physical anxiety, no mental anxiety, no panic... and no orgasm.
I think the experiment was about how people had to be in a safe situation with no mental/emotional anxiety in order to participate in the test.
My definition of living with a depressed person: It's like trying to play with a dead dog. No matter how many times you throw the ball, that dog just won't run.
