How are you doing? Your son is only 5 months old right now, right? Do you think you're feeling any post-partum issues at all on top of the rest of this?
Is there anything in your life that you can back away from? What role do the grown foster children have in your life? Do they still rely on you and your H?
I think that going to a sex therapist by yourself IF your H won't go is a great idea. I think I would let him know about it. It tells your H how important it is to you AND it will help you.
Your description of how your H talks about "jacking off" and porn doesn't really sound that "normal" to me. (Yeah yeah I know what's "normal?") It's hard to tell but from your description it almost sounds like overcompensation and/or adolescent behavior. Especially given the fact he has not had that much sexual experience. What is he compensating for, who knows?
Anyway, I think a ST will definitely be more help than a bunch of us armchair psychologists.
Again Karen you have always impressed me with your ability to try so many things and be so willing to look at yourself and what you can do. Of course there will always be something else you can try but after all you have tried I think you need to stop blindly throwing darts and get professional advice on what steps to take.
Good luck!
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
