Down and out...need hope.

[Rob1231]

Hi t, Dropping in as requested...

Of course I want it sooner than now. My clock is racing and I think her's is just plodding along.

Whoa, buddy, cool your jets a bit here. Remember, the absolute best friends you have right now are TIME and PATIENCE. An MLC does not get "all better" overnight. You have time to work through this - use it!

I am doing my best to treat her as a friend, but she's knows better. Is it bad to move in for a hug now and then? or is that considered pursuing?

Yes...tonight is the dinner. is it bad to put ILY on the card? is that pursuing? How can I do a 180 on the card? that's an interesting thought. I assume she's thinking shes going to get this big long letter in a card. Is a short 'happy birthday' kosher?

A rule of thumb might be - if you have to ask if something is pursuing, then you probably already know the answer.

Take your focus off of her and get it squarely on yourself - that's the way to make this stuff really work. MAKE A LIST, POST IT HERE, AND LIVE UP TO IT: What are you doing to Get A Life and to keep up your Positive Mental Attitude?

she told her mother last night that she wants me to go out and buy a house. That seems a bit more permanent than I was considering or hoping for. I also believe her divorced nut-job friend referred her to a lawyer. Everything in our situation is starting to mirror the sitch friend.

so..yes, I am in the LBS fog. It's so thick right now. It's hard to believe I'm really going through this.

MLCers will spew all kinds of garbage at you. They will cook up insane Master Plans for how the D is supposed to proceed - often with the whacky idea that you will follow along with these plans willingly because "you will see the light that they are right and the M is doomed, doomed, doomed."

Now here's the trick - you have to drag your feet and refuse to go along, without a big heated confrontation. If you say "Hell no I'm not moving out!" then you just fire her up more. Instead, just nod and smile your PMA-ful smile, but don't lift one finger to help with her craziness. Drag your feet and stall, stall, stall. Do NOT move to an apartment, and do NOT buy a new house.

Make her do the hard work, if it is going to happen at all. Why do I say that? Remember - she's more confused and screwed up than you are. She is presenting things as "hard cold unchangeable fact" - but they are not. Do NOT buy into her insanity!