Remembering myself, Part II

[Dom R]

Karen: you sidestepped my "poll".
you answered a different question. I didnt ask you if you wanted intimacy. I asked you if you wanted CARING about your needs.

you replied "Well, yes I DO need intimacy in a broader way but I also need sex."

Maybe you are understating/avoiding stating a specific need of yours.What do you mean by "need sex"?
Do you specifically mean "penile intercourse"? Or that sometimes you "just want to be screwed until you walk funny"? or...?

Other than the "penile intercourse" thing... all of that can be met, by a man, for a woman, even if he has ED or something.
I wont go into details, but I am speaking from first hand knowlege, that "I just want sex" needs, can be met that way. And i'm not talking about "oh, dearest, I feel such a close personal bond with you". I'm talking about, "Dammit make me cum so many times I pass out!!!" kinda stuff. (I think my record is something like 18)
*cough*. ahem.

All it takes, is for the man to care enough about his wife, to take action about it. NOT that he is turned on. It's easier for the man to get into it when he has hormones flowing. but it's not required.
Supposedly, the majority of women have orgasms through clitoral, rather than vaginal, stimulation anyways. That suggests that the whole penis thing, is fun for an intimacy standpoint, and also an ego standpoint.. but it's not so much the #1 thing for the majority of women actually being sexually satisfied.
Hmmmm?

On the other hand, maybe you didnt really mean what you said.
Maybe you meant, "sometimes, I just want him to want me sexually. I want to feel his desire for me".
Trouble is... once again.. talking, or playing mind manipulation games with him, is not going to work. The only way that is going to happen, is by you doing something.
Either by changing yourself to attract him in different ways, or by approaching sex differently, or both.

AND, most importantly, by getting him into an environment where he is physically free to have a libido.
His current environment (stresswise) prevents him from having one.
You will have to take action to fix that. Such as, getting the children out from under-foot more.
Yes, YOU. 'cause seems like mr. submissive isnt going to do anything unless you prod him about it.


speaking of which... his submissive thing is a whole 'nuther issue.

maybe you really DO need to take the "dominant" role seriously, if you want to get satisfied regularly. It's probably no coincidence about all the rumors about "high powered hi stress executives paying a dominatrix for sex" kinda stuff. They're so stressed, Their body is probably so stressed it doesnt want to go into action, until it is ordered to. ha ha.
Comment on that if you dare

Most people think that itimacy begets sex and sometimes that is true but just as often I think sex begets intimacy. H does not subscribe to that belief.

Karen, the wonderful thing about truth is... it doesnt stop being true, if someone doesnt believe in it.
You dont have to convince your husband to "believe it", you just need to convince him to Do It!

His usual response to my complaining about sex is to schedule dinner out with just he and I because he understands it as my requesting "intimacy" in a broader way.

PERFECT! WONDERFUL! He can actually be responsive to your complaints in some fashion!
So... go with what works, and work it some more. Tell him, that spending some quality time together, would mean more to you than dinner. Skip the dinner, and go to the cuddling/backrubs.
Tell him, "dinner will not make me happy. Doing [other, non sexual but physicaly close activity] will".

You have then put him up against a wall, but with an acceptible path for him to follow. On the one hand, he now knows that his usual cop-out of dinner, will not fly this time. But on the other hand, he isnt being forced into dealing with his problems with sex; he has an easier alternative to follow.

So, he will follow it.


PS: You should try "phone counselling". You dont need a sex therapist "near" you.

So hurry up, and call one, and spend $150 to find out, "yeah, you really should go do all those things that Dom has been suggesting you do" heh heh


PPS: that'll be $75. thank you