Theo....WE LOVE THEO

[theoden]

Saffie,

Well..in general -- if you don't want someone around they aren't going to treat you too well.

Anyhow I'm glad about the offer.

[theoden]

Sara,

I think it's the same for Yoyo and me.

If we don't fundamentally change and blossom in new and self-assetive, empowered ways, our spouses won't change.

Blowing off the b-day was a small step -- but she felt my absence. my NOT being there for her like a labrador retriever.

Yoyo...listen up if we don't change, they won't change. If we don't stand up for ourselves, they may come back, but still treat us like sh*t.

--Theoden

[saffie]

Are you talking about her treating you badly because she doesn't want you around? In which case why should you treat her well? Or are you talking about her new friends not putting on a party for her and perhaps they don't want her around? I am confused.

Saffie

[Sara]

Exactly, Theo. With no change, everything stays the same. You got your message out there, pretty subtly, but she noticed. I hope you can find other ways to make her see the life empty life she is building for herself.

[theoden]

Yes...that's the point. It's not really a strategy...it's starting to live for myself and my children. It's being fully alive independent of her.

And it's granting her what she desires: my absence.

It's pushing her our the door slowly.

It's a reality check.

[theoden]

Saffie,

Regarding the party, her friends didn't do anything. Imagine that...I, who have lavished great parties on her, am no longer doing it.

And if she really wants me out, she'll get what she wants.

[saffie]

Doesn't her reaction show rthat she doesn't really want you out?

She needs to feel the cold wind of change in time to be able to make changes before it is too late - just don't buckle to her hurt too soo Theo or you are right she will treat you like sh!t

You keep remembering that you are worth so much more.

Saffie

[LL44]

You keep remembering that you are worth so much more.

Amen. I hope the best for you.

[Dr LOve]

Hey Theo buddy,

I have not left ya. I am on a little Plato and I still have along way to go.
But I am reaching down to pull ya up with me.
Now that you got your point across to the W.......
Would a little "party" at pizza pallor with the KIDS be out of the question?
As much as they say they don't want one deep down most really do. I think my W was happy that something happened. It sure was a good thing that we went out last Saturday instead of this weekend with all of the Stuff that happened yesterday.
You sound like you are ready to throw on the towel. You know when you are ready. Even though all of our sitches have things in common no two are alike.
If you are not ready to call it quits then maybe it is time for us to talk again. There is a fine line between showing her what life would be without you. (No Party) and showing her what she is missing. (A small party with just you and the kids). I am not walking in your shoes. (I would only need one LOL). But I do know if from my W that some of the crap she was doing to me in the past I would just do it back and we got now where. Know even though she does these things if I don't throw it back at her then it happens less and less.

Not trying to preach to the choir big guy just my thoughts

Husband

[SuperDad]

Theo,
Glad to see you are getting your bearings about you again. I think this is an important phase you are at where you really are thinking about yourself independently of your W. It really changes things a lot. She will definitely notice this and it will make her very uncertain about what she really wants.

On another topic entirely, I started reading S8 the Tolkien books (beginning of course with The Hobbit). We have already finished the CS Lewis Narnia series as well as the Harry Potter books, so he is well versed in the fantasy/mythology reference genre. Can't wait to get to the Lord of the Rings Trilogy to remember all the details about your namesake!

Take care,
SD