Dom - I think you misunderstood the part where I said that the kids are as much his responsibility as mine. My H takes as much responsibility as I do with the kids. He volunteers us and himself for MUCH MORE than I ever do. It is HE who has chosen to join the community association board, volunteers for this and that and takes our kids (and everyone elses) everywhere ,all the time. Remember, he's the one who would like more children. The little ones have needs that are no ones fault, they are just small. However, my H has no desire to lighten the load with kids or to carve out kid free time, zones. His usual response to my complaining about sex is to schedule dinner out with just he and I because he understands it as my requesting "intimacy" in a broader way. Well, yes I DO need intimacy in a broader way but I also need sex. Most people think that itimacy begets sex and sometimes that is true but just as often I think sex begets intimacy. H does not subscribe to that belief.
I do understand being solution oriented and I do think that seeing a sex therapist would be a good idea even if only I go. I have even gone so far as to look some up in my area. There aren't any very close by so seeing one will require me to miss quite a bit of work etc... I will also likely have to bring the babies with me to the appointments because their offices are nowhere near my childcare options. Any marriage/family therapists near my office and daycare will be people that I know professionally (not good). There are quite a few logistics for this but it isn't totally outside the realm of possibility with a little work. So, if it will take all that I may as well ask him to join me.
My biggest problem Dom isn't that I'm not solution oriented. It is that H will sidestep any suggested solutions, will fail to commit himself to a plan and will otherwise put up roadblocks to anything I bring up. It is so frustrating. My H continuously seeks to station any number of things between himself and me: tiredness, additional activities, kids, community activities, exercise, work, television (he'll stay up and I'll go to bed alone) etc...
