OK. So, here's generally how things are in terms of us, and some concerns about covering my @$$, too:
1. With the exception of one phone call that was a follow-up to hers, and a question of clarification on a phrase she used, I have not contacted her, nor in any way initiated any conversation about our divorce since she walked out.
2. This includes any discussion of splitting up stuff, what belongs to whom, her plans for moving forward, anything.
I have begun to question this stance, in part. Because I wonder if I'm giving her the impression that I'm going to let her do whatever she wants in this, even if it ends up being unfair to me.
Example: When we discussed who gets what on Monday, she said that she wanted all the dining room furniture. The dining table and a side-table are things her family's had since she was four, so I'm OK with those (esp. since i have my old table in storage). There is a wine-rack that was a birthday gift to her. OK.
Then there are two other small tables, which were wedding presents, but from "her side of the family" - which she feels makes her entitled to them, even though they were gifts to both of us.
As for the living room - she wants the TV and TV stand (paid for by her less than 1 year after we were dating), one couch, and the endtables.
She's said that the DVD shelves and one of the couches are mine. I'm NOT going to let her take the end-tables, since she's taking the whole damn dining room.
What it comes down to is this: she wants us to each make a list of the stuff we want or feel is ours. We will each go over the other's list, and if there are any contested items, we will talk it over.
I find this a little concerning for two reasons: 1) She is, in some ways, very wrapped up in the material aspects of this whole thing.
2) She seems to feel that she's entitled to more stuff than I am. Granted, some of the thigns are hers which came before the marriage and things that I don't really care too much about. But there are other aspects which I'm less comfortable with.
EX:
We bought a $250 sound-system for the wedding, so we wouldn't have to hire a DJ. It's a 5.1 system that's insanely good for how little we paid.
Anyway, when I said I wanted that, and proposed that she take the iPod in exchange, she said: "What about the iPod and the digital camera?"
...a $250 digital camera and a 4-GB iPod Nano. In exchange for the surround sound system? NFW.
My friend/roommate has said it best: "Issues about money bring out the worst in her."
What actually effing SCARES me is that it seems that W has taken some divorce advice from her mom. Who, even the kindest, least judmental person I know refers to as "freakin' crazy". She cleaned out W's dad when the two of them got divorced. W complained about the treatment that her dad received - and now she's taking some advice from the psycho who inflicted that gouging?
Yeah - that scares the living hell out of me, if W is listening to her mom on those points. My W is a wonderful, sweet woman - but I'm not sure what her insecurity about money will bring out when it comes to stuff.
