Remembering myself, Part II

[Dom R]

To Karen (! )

I would definately suggest NOT talking during vacation about heavy stuff, with one exception, at the end of it. more below.

It would seem that "relax time" turns your H on. But "scheduling sex", turns him off.

So.. (as I might have vaguely hinted before ) try NOT scheduling sex, but scheduling TOGETHER TIME.
Once, preferably twice a week.
Kid free, relaxing together time. whether that is going out, or just vegging at home in front of the tv.
If he get used to the "together time" enough to look forward to it, then things might start happening a bit more, or at least be more enjoyable if you initiate during a few of them.( around every 3rd time maybe?)

That's what you might discuss at the end of your vacation; scheduling some regular "relax time" every week together. You could call it your "mini-vacation time".


Also... for whatever reason... he might view your home, as a stressful place. Whereas vacations, get him in a "non-stressful" environment.

stressful place == no sex.
happy place == sex.

So, you might think about factors that might make your home a "stressful place", and consider ways to make the house, or maybe even just one specific room (bedroom?!!! ), a stress-free zone.

I've already mentioned the children as a factor in this. yes, you've said you view them as just as much his responsability as yours. But, to paraphrase an old chestnut, "Do you want to be right? or do you want to be 'satisfied'?"


I'm pretty sure this is stuff a sex therapist would be telling you, if you went. Even if your husband doesnt want to go, you might go see one by yourself, to get more "solution oriented" ideas like this, that you havent tried.

PS:

Our life is so ridiculously overloaded and whatever time we aren't shuttling kids or relatives or whatever has a baby hooked to my breast or sleeping on my chest. I could just cry.

Examine how much of this "riddiculously overloaded" is under your control. Not "how much of it you feel guilt-ridden and obligated to do", but "how much do you control?"
Then start losing your guilt about lessening your obligations. even to your children. (not getting rid of them just lightening your load)